


Mr. Trager

by One_sadistic_bitch



Category: Outlast (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, How Do I Tag, If you’ve ever wanted a story based angsty Trager fan-fiction this is for you, Implied Sexual Content, Its an Outlast fic you know what to except, Possibly Offensive content, Violence, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 21:15:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15542304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/One_sadistic_bitch/pseuds/One_sadistic_bitch
Summary: Most of the people in this world stick by a certain way of thinking. Nobody believes in the idea of redemption anymore.Once bad, always bad, right?I know better. You see, every now and again, something sick and twisted can become something strong and beautiful. Some of the greatest things can hide in the most unlikely places.I was simply lucky to have stumbled upon one.





	1. One Choice

This wasn’t a good idea, I’d known that from the moment I set foot in that dusty, decrepit old asylum. How they still used that place for anything more than a storage building was beyond me, but I was on a mission that day.  
With a little help from a friend in administration and bit of smooth talking, I’d wormed my way right into the corridor of executive offices.  
I froze up only halfway through that long dimly lit hallway, staring down at the clash of my black heels against the light beige carpet. I took a deep breath. There was no point in turning back now, I had nothing left to lose. To my right was the door to the women’s restroom, I could only hope that there was a clean mirror on the other side.  
I breathed a sigh of relief, seeing my own reflection when I stepped through the door.  
“Okay...” I peered into my own eyes, making sure I was prepared for what I was about to do.  
The bathroom around me looked like it hadn’t been used, or cleaned for that matter, in months if not years. This particular branch of the Murkoff Corporation hadn’t allowed for female employees in quite some time, which only made this lucky opportunity even more valuable. I had to make good use of my time. With a quick look over my outfit, I straightened my pencil skirt, adjusted my shirt collar and forced myself back out into the hallway. There was business that needed to be taken care of.  
Each of the office doors had its own frosted glass window, the names of the men they belonged to declared in a harsh black font. One by one, I made my way past each door, hunting for one name in particular.  
‘Richard Trager M.R.D’  
The one man I’d been specifically advised not to visit. In my mind there wasn’t a single reason why I wouldn’t want to open that door, especially when I’d taken such a great risk to get to what was on the other side.  
The faint sound of laughter stopped me from reaching for the tarnished brass doorknob. I took a step back, seeing the outline of a man through the frosted glass.  
“I’ll be back, don’t you worry.” The door swung opened rather violently as those words made it to my ears.  
I hadn’t recognized the voice, but I knew that man the moment I laid eyes on him.  
Jeremy Blaire.  
Someone I didn’t need to be told to stay away from. The dirty look he gave me as he passed by said more than enough, like I’d accidentally taken the most popular girl’s seat in high school. Even in that brief moment, the message that he didn’t want me there was clear. As if what he wanted mattered to me, he wasn’t the reason why I’d bothered showing up.  
With a deep breath, I gave the door three confident knocks. It would be rude to enter uninvited.  
“Come in!” An unexpectedly welcoming voice called in response.  
I could feel my heartbeat in my neck as I gently opened the door, I absolutely had to make the most of this. If he really was anything like the stories I’d heard, I’d have no problem getting along with him.  
“I’m here to see Mr. Trager?” I spoke hesitantly.  
He was facing away from me as I entered the room, his attention drawn to something behind him.  
“Well...” He sat up, turning to face me with a pleasant smile. “Looks like you found him.”  
Lovely brown curls, light brown eyes, and a smile that could please the angels. What more could someone asked for?  
I felt a nervous grin form on my lips, and for the life of me, I couldn’t bring my self to speak. I’d seen pictures, sure, but...  
“Why don’t you have a seat?” He motioned to the two chairs that sat in front of his desk.  
“Right, of course.” I shook my head softly, trying to get a grasp on myself.  
I took the chair furthest to the left, it was closer to the window. The way light shined through made the dust in the room even more visible, but the warmth it gave off was comforting. The second thing I noticed was the crystal clear old fashioned drink glass that sat half full next to a stack of papers, two partially melted ice cubes resting at the bottom of the caramel colored liquid. I took that as a good sign, hoping the alcohol might work on my side.  
“Alright.” He folded his hands neatly on his desk, directing a stern look at me. “You wanna tell me what exactly you’re doing here?”  
I smiled, he knew damn well I wasn’t there on business, but I still couldn’t tell him the real reason just yet. “I’ve been given authorization, I was just hoping to ask you some questions...”  
He chuckled at that, swirling the liquor around his glass before downing it. “And what might those questions be?”  
I sighed, inhaling the scent of whiskey on his breath. “Have you ever thought about hiring an assistant?”  
That question was off limits, I knew I wouldn’t be coming back the next day, but I had the feeling he knew as well as I did that I wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place.  
“Maybe I’d consider, depending on what work they’d be willing to do.” The tone of his voice told me that we were on the same page. He looked me in the eyes with a hint of what I read as suspicion. “Why do you ask?”  
“Well, because I’m interested... I thought I’d be best to talk to you personally about it.” I lied.  
There was no assistant’s position to be had, and I most definitely wasn’t given permission to be in his office. We both knew that, and sheer fact that he was tolerating my presence had to mean something. Even if it did give me a bit of an uneasy feeling.  
“I suppose we could work out a deal.” He turned his full attention back to me, with that bright white plastic grin. “What would you be interested in?”  
I leaned forward, just a touch closer to him. “Anything you want.”  
He was silent for a moment. Just studying me, laid back with a hand on his chin, like he was considering something much more important than little old me. “Why?”  
“I, uh...” The one question I hadn’t prepared a good excuse for. How could I put it gently? The fact that I was almost his stalker by a certain definition. “I want to work with you. It’s as simple as that.”  
“And?” He pulled a label-less bottle of liquor from somewhere behind his desk, pausing to refill his glass. “Women don’t work here anymore, what makes you so special?”  
The only thing special about me was the few falsified documents it took to get me into that place, but he didn’t need to know that.  
“You can trust me.” Somehow that just felt like the right thing to say. “I promise.”  
He laughed, taking a sip from his glass. “Prove it.”  
If that wasn’t an invitation, then I sure as hell didn’t know what was.  
I stood, taking a few steps towards his side of the desk, my fingers tracing the sharp corner. “Oh, I haven’t even introduced myself yet.”  
He spun his chair to the right slightly, his calm expression remaining eerily unchanged as he looked me over. “I don’t see any harm in it, personally.”  
I smiled, inching my way closer to him. “It’s a deal, then?” I reached out to shake his hand.  
His eyes moved from my outstretched hand to my face and back again, before he accepted the handshake. My smile grew wider, if that was even possible.  
He pulled me a bit closer with his firm grip on my hand, speaking in a hushed tone. “No paperwork. You don’t tell anyone. You don’t even mention my name. Believe me, you want this to stay between us. Got it?”  
“Yes.” I didn’t have to think to answer. There was plenty of time for me to be ashamed of the decision later, but in that moment, it was well worth the risk.  
His hold on my hand loosened, but still urged me closer. “What’s your name?”  
If I’d gotten any closer I would have nearly been kneeling between his legs. “Mira.”  
There was a brief second where his eyes met mine, and I swore it felt like someone had stabbed a thousand needles into my chest. I looked away. This wasn’t any position for that type of feeling, and I was not about to get in over my head. I’d get what I came for and I wouldn’t look back, at least that was the plan.  
Without a word, I felt his hands make their way to my waist and gently ease me onto his lap, my legs on either side of him.  
As cliche as it sounds, I felt like a kid in a candy shop.  
“Now how about that introduction, hm?” His lips were so close to my ear it sent chills down my spine.  
He smelled heavenly too, like cologne that was far too expensive, and maybe a hint of fine cigars. The whole situation was a bit overwhelming for someone like me, I hadn’t expected things to go so well, but then was no time to be getting cold feet.  
I pushed any trace of a second thought from my mind, somehow leaning even closer to him. “Where do I begin?”  
His hands moved lower, finding a grip on my hips. “Take your pick, sweetheart.”  
I felt an intense blush on my cheeks, and as ridiculous as it made me feel, I couldn’t help but lick my lips. This wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced.  
I wrapped my legs around the back of his chair, crossing them at the ankles so I could push myself against him, and there was certainly a hell of a lot of him to be felt. My heartbeat was pounding in my ears.  
“May I?” My hands drifted down to the tiny amount of space between our waistlines, grabbing hold of his belt buckle.  
He let out a soft laugh, that in my ear sounded more like a growl, his arms open in a shrug. “I’m givin’ ya free-reign, here. Aren’t I?”  
I suppose he really was giving the benefit of the doubt. A hint of a giggle escaped my lips, half nervous, half excited.  
I sat back a little, but the moment that I managed to get his belt unbuckled, we both paused at the sound of footsteps. Someone was getting closer. It felt like my heart had stopped completely.  
“Fuck!” He growled under his breath.  
The only thing I could think to do was jump off of him, my lower back hitting the desktop with a thud.  
His hands hit my shoulders with a bit of force, shoving me downward as he mumbled something. “Think fast!”  
I dropped to my knees, crawling my way under his desk just as I heard the door open.  
“You’re back early.” Trager sighed, moving his chair closer to hide me, among other things.  
“I told you I would.” Jeremy fucking Blaire.  
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but he really did have some awful timing.  
“Right.” Petty as it was, I felt a bit of satisfaction when Trager was short with him like that.  
“Alright, so listen to this-“ Of course Jeremy would be the one to sit down and make himself at home.  
What a buzz kill.  
I didn’t care much for what they were saying, besides I was far too busy sulking about the possibility of losing this opportunity. My eyes wandered from the beige floor of his office, to his neatly tied and expensive looking dress shoes.  
Maybe this wasn’t the worst case scenario after all.  
Sitting up as best I could in the limited amount of space under his desk, I rested a hand on his knee, slowly moving closer to the rest of his body. To my relief, his body language told me that he’d caught on to what I was asking of him, he definitely approved.  
Under the desk of man that was twice my age, and his friend was less than two feet away. I’d have to be careful, sure, but I was not about to let this chance slip between my fingers. I had a job to finish.  
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~  
Jeremy had long since left Trager’s office, when I ended up in the position that changed the course of my plans. I wasn’t sure exactly when that smug son of a bitch had left the room, nor did I care. All I cared about was that split second that changed my mind for the better. He’d leaned his head against mine, forehead to forehead, staring me in the eyes with that gorgeous lazy smile. It couldn’t have lasted more that a single second, but that moment turned the needles that pierced my heart into knives, and just like that I’d been pulled under the water.  
He lifted his head with a deep raspy laugh, he knew exactly what he’d done. “You’re hired.”  
I turned away shyly, trying my best to hide my bashful grin. It felt almost stupid of me to be getting timid after what had just happened, but locking eyes with him was far too much for my racing heart. I stood up, and almost stumbled back onto his desk a second time.  
“Then, you want me to come back?” That wasn’t supposed to be an option, I knew that, but...  
“Just a second.” He ran his fingers through his hair, and I looked away again while he pulled himself together, so to speak.  
What in the hell had I just let happen? I’d willfully walked myself right into a corner.  
“Yes.” The sound of his voice broke me from my thoughts. “Tomorrow.”  
“What?” I stammered, finally able to look at at him.  
“It’s a ‘yes or no’ question, sweetheart.” He seemed genuinely amused by how taken aback I was.  
A more logical person would have already been on their way with no intentions of looking back, but for me it was an offer I couldn’t refuse. “Yes.”  
His eyes traced over my body one more time, and he raised an eyebrow.  
“Well, I hope you’re not gonna walk out like that.” He motioned to the mess on my chest, which wasn’t entirely my fault, and chuckled.  
I looked down at the front of my shirt with a sigh. “Fuck.”  
“Don’t worry, Ole Rick’s gotcha covered.” His arm rested heavy over my shoulders, as he led me over to the second door towards the rear of his office.  
I didn’t dare say a word, perhaps it was out fear, but it felt more like awe.  
He tugged an old beige trench coat from the rack that stood on the furthest corner of the room, sending a cloud of dust into the air. I watched the particles drift through the shaft of light that the window provided.  
“Here.” He nudged me, holding up the dusty garment. “Put this on.”  
I slipped my arms into the sleeves, and he pulled the coat over my shoulders. “Are you sure?”  
“Yeah yeah, haven’t worn it in years.” His hold on my shoulders tightened, and he spun me around to face him, a stern look on his face.  
For the first time, I actually felt intimidated. Not in a bad way of course, I just hadn’t noticed how much taller he was than me until that point.  
“You think I don’t know you weren’t planning on coming back? I know you don’t have the clearance to be here.” He leaned a bit closer, whispering to me. “Lucky for you, professionalism’s never been my forte.”  
“I-I know.” Even if there was a proper sentence somewhere in my head, there was no way those words would make it out.  
I wasn’t sure where he was going with those remarks, but I couldn’t stop the nervousness rising in my chest.  
“I didn’t think much of you at first, maybe you’ll prove me wrong.” Finally letting me loose from his grip, he took a step closer to the back door. “What do ya say?”  
The nervousness I’d felt before faded into the background, and relief washed over my heart when he looked back at me with a smirk.  
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. “Yes Sir, Mr. Trager.”  
He laughed, motioning for me to follow him. “You’d better take the back way, we don’t wanna cause trouble.”  
I nodded.  
“Should I show you out?” His voice was so smooth he almost sounded sincere.  
“If it’s not to much to ask.” I replied hesitantly, looking up I was almost entranced by him.  
"Right this way." He put his arm around me again, leading me out into a hallway I had yet to see.  
"Thank you." I mumbled, trying to hide how red my face must have gotten.  
What an idiot I must have looked like, I’d got from determined to starstruck in a matter of minutes. Yet I didn’t feel even a hint of shame.  
The part of the asylum we walked through wasn’t nearly as shined up as the reception area. It was bland in color as well as smell, and pretty much void of decoration, but I was paying too much attention to him to care for my surroundings.  
He led me down the short hallway to a side door with an illuminated red exit sign.  
An emergency exit.  
"Alright, so go through here and follow the path to your right, you should end up back at the front of the building. Think you can handle that?" He asked pulling me a bit closer so that I could see where he was pointing.  
"I got it." I said confidently, but my mind was more focused on the warmth of being so close to him.  
"Good." His arm dropped from my shoulders almost immediately. "I'll see you tomorrow then."  
"See you then." I whispered softly, though he was already walking away.  
He sure as hell was one beautiful man, so much so that I had stop to watch him walk back to his office.  
Just as he’d told me, it wasn’t at all difficult to find my way back to the main-gates. The cold late autumn air cut through me like razor blades, and I wrapped his coat snugly around my body as I walked back to my car. It sure smelled a lot like him for something he said he hadn’t worn in years, like a mixture of fine cologne and alcohol.  
The thought of going back to that place gave me a feeling something like fear in the pit of stomach, but deep down something else yelled for me to push through it. I listened to that tiny voice, and I knew with out a shadow of a doubt, I’d return tomorrow.


	2. White Water

From the moment I woke up on that second morning, there was a glimmer of excitement holding its place in my chest. It’d been years since I’d woken up to an alarm, but at least this time I had a damn good reason, and I was more than happy to get out of those scratchy hotel sheets. Maybe it was the rush of breaking the rules, or just the adrenaline spike that spread through my body when I thought about him, but I was shaking the entire way there. The idea that I was actually going to see him again brought me a certain joy that I hadn’t felt in ages. Perhaps on some unconscious level this had been my intention all along, but I wouldn’t let myself believe it. Instead I allowed my stupid giddy smile to show wide, like a school girl who’s crush had just asked her to the dance. His same coat from the day prior still hung loosely on my shoulders, even with five inch heels it nearly dragged on the asphalt as I walked my way to that old mess of a building. I had to admit, I was a little disappointed that his smell hadn’t lingered after I washed it, but I had high hopes that I would get my fair share that day.  
For my own sake I decided to park around the back side of the building, not only to avoid suspicion, but to be closer to the door I’d left though the day before. Easy access, they can’t lock an emergency exit. No alarms, no heavy security, it was the perfect entrance. I walked on eggshells all the way down the short empty hallway that led to his office, if someone caught me there would be far greater consequences than just being kicked out. Possibly even for him as well, and I could not let that happen.  
I placed my ear against the dark wood of his office door, listening for any voice other than his. Nothing. So I knocked twice, just hard enough for him to hear, and I waited.  
“Who the hell is-“ He swung the door opened, stopping to look down at me.  
“Good morning, Mr. Trager.” I tried to smile, but the emotion in the look he was giving felt... Off.  
“I...” He stepped back holding the door open for me to enter. “You’re the girl from yesterday, right?”  
“Yes, uh... Sir? Is everything alright?” Something about him struck me as odd that time, but it didn’t stop me from kicking myself for that awkwardness.  
Of course it was entirely possible that he was a slightly different person when sober, but the way he stared at me, it was like he’d seen a ghost.  
I watched him walk over to take a seat at his desk, he leaned on his right arm with a hand nearly covering his mouth. “Sit down.”  
That didn’t feel right, and the way he was acting certainly didn’t help my growing anxiety. What had changed between then and day before? Had I done something wrong?  
Nonetheless, I did as he said and took my place in the same chair I had before.  
“I brought your coat...” I leaned forward, letting the oversized garment slide off my shoulders. “Washed and dried.”  
He looked up at me, eyebrows furrowed as he took the coat from my hands. “Yeah, thanks...”  
“What is it?” I couldn’t help but ask, referring to the odd look he kept giving me.  
“Nothin, it’s just...” He looked away. “Can’t believe I didn’t notice before.”  
I was afraid to ask him what he meant by that, but the silence was treacherous.  
“I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t think you’d actually come back.” He finally spoke up, his eyes carefully scanning a form.  
It looked too important for me to interrupt, and at that point I beginning to second guess myself. What if he hadn’t wanted me to come back at all? Even if he did, what the hell was I supposed to do for him now? Not that it wasn’t a pleasure simply to be around him but, I felt more like a burden than anything.  
“Why wouldn’t I?” I mumbled, trying pull myself away from those thoughts.  
He didn’t reply, he only sighed and sat down the form he’d been reading. That sick feeling was rising in my stomach, almost like I was afraid, but what did I have to be afraid of?  
“You aren’t from around here, are ya?” His question drew my attention.  
“How’d you know?” My own voice clearly showed how relieved I was that he was finally speaking to me, but I didn’t care.  
“I can tell.” He tilted his head to the side, studying me like a detective on a crime scene. “Where are you from?”  
“Oh, I’m from Virginia...” That part of my life was a topic I’d been hoping to avoid, but it seemed he had a running habit of forcing me to change my mind.  
He leaned back, toying with a pen in his right hand. “Mira, was it?”  
I couldn’t stop from smiling, he remembered my name. “Yes Sir.”  
“I must say Ms. Mira, it was a pleasure to meet you.” His tone changed to something uncharacteristically gentle. “But I won’t waste anymore of your time. You’d better go.”  
I stared at him blankly, trying my best to put together what he’d just said, but the weight of disappointment and shock on my shoulders forced me to speak. “Go? What do you mean, go?”  
“Listen.” He sat up, leaning forward slightly, his voice hushed. “I’m trying to cut you a deal here, you don’t really wanna get caught up in all this, do you?”  
That sentence was dripping with manipulation. I’d have to be blind not to pick up on it, but that tiny voice in the back of my head told me to push harder.  
I sat up a little straighter, I wanted my confidence to be clear. “I came here to a job, and I don’t intend on quitting it.”  
I was not about to let this chance go, and I had the feeling he was expecting a bit of backlash.  
He laughed, dropping the professional posture. “You’re not givin on this, are ya?”  
“Not unless that’s what you want.” My words came out as a whisper.  
Deep down I knew I was too timid to stand my ground, but I wasn’t one to give in without trying.  
With a sigh he stood from his chair, walking towards the window, one hand in his pocket. “Well, I am a man of my word.”  
My eyes followed his every movement. The messages were mixed, on one hand his manipulative nature was too obvious to ignore, but on the other... The way he’d looked at me, there was surprise in it, but in that was something different.  
“Where are you staying?” He asked bluntly.  
That one actually caught me off guard, was it really that obvious that I definitely didn’t live in Colorado?  
“I’ve uh, I’ve got a hotel room. About twenty minutes away.” I stammered. “Why?”  
I felt my heart speed up just at the thought of his question, I could only hope good things would come of it.  
“I can read people like books, or so I’ve been told.” He looked back with a smug grin. “Why don’t you come home with me?”  
Hesitation was my first instinct.  
‘He’s the kind of person that can have you mysteriously disappear with nothing but a signature if you piss him off’  
Those were that exact words I’d been told when the name Richard Trager came up, and judging by the way he was acting that could’ve very well been my fate.  
Against my better judgment, I gave in to the nagging voice that was working it’s way into the forefront of my mind. “I’d love to.”  
Put between the options I was left with, any offer sounded better than going back home. I’d much rather take a dive into rough white water, than go back to that hell hole.  
"I want you to go now, pack up your things and meet me here." Trager turned to walk back to his desk. “Don’t be late, I wanna be outta here at five.”  
I could almost feel the way my eyes lit up when he spoke, and could hardly pry my gaze away from him.  
“Of course, I’ll be right back.” I was already on my way out the door, overwhelmed by my foolish excitement.  
Some might have called me stupid, but I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into. The hold was taken, and there was no way I was escaping his grasp, not now. Like a fish on a barbed hook.  
I hurried out to my car.  
~  
Shoes, clothes, knickknacks, and all, every possession I owned fit into two suitcases. With that small amount of work, I was on my way in less than two hours.  
I should have said no, I knew that. I should have made an excuse, or a lie, but my imagination was hard at work to paint me a pretty picture of what was to come.  
What’s the worst that could happen?  
“Mr. Trager?” I poked my head in the door just enough to assure that the coast was clear, before I entered.  
"Good, you came back." He said turning his chair to face me, like he was talking to dog that was prone to running away from home.  
“Of course I did.” The lie I’d told myself was that the thought of running off hadn’t crossed my mind. That didn’t matter.  
"So you really are gonna stick with it, huh?" He asked looking up at me again, still sounding like he assumed I had other ideas.  
I nodded, a half smile resting on my lips. Though I couldn’t put my finger on it, something gave me the feel that he was happy about that, even if he didn’t show it.  
His stood up, running his fingers through his curly hair. “Let’s get outta here, I wanna beat the traffic.”  
“I thought you said you were leaving at five?” By the time I asked he already had an arm over my shoulders, guiding me towards the door.  
“I did.” Was the only reply I was granted.  
His arm on my back urged me forward into the back hallway, an oddly annoyed look on his face.  
“Did something happen?” I looked up at him timidly.  
The look he gave me in return was something between worry and anger, it certainly didn’t make me feel any better. “No.”  
Despite how off putting that answer was, I kept my mouth shut as he walked me out.  
“I parked by the side gates.” I couldn’t bear that silence any longer.  
“Right.” He mumbled, only changing direction slightly.  
Lucky for me, he was a pretty quick walker, and his arm kept my exposed shoulders warm from the chill of the air. For someone that so many people passionately hated, he didn’t seem so bad to me. He was different, maybe a little rude at times, but definitely not dangerous like I’d been made to believe. At least that’s what I thought.  
“Is that it?” Trager asked, pointing to the small silver Ford with the hand that was resting on my shoulder.  
“It’s a rental.” I shrugged with a shred of embarrassment.  
That car was nothing I’d prefer to be in, but at the end of the day, it was only supposed to last me a week.  
“Great, I’ll just have someone pick it up.” With that he was already on his way over, waiting for me to unlock the thing.  
“Why?” My mouth spoke before I’d thought it through.  
No address, no car, no family. If I were to disappear, well, I doubted anyone would miss me.  
“You won’t need it.” He took the keys from my hand, showing me that wide devious smile of his. “Will ya?”  
The part of me that still had a hint of self preservative instinct wanted to scream yes, but what he was insinuating was much more alluring than the idea of safety.  
“No.” I replied. “I guess not.”  
“Great.” He sounded almost cheerful, as he pulled the two bags from my trunk, one in each hand. “Get the trunk for me, blue eyes.”  
Blue eyes? But I have brown eyes...  
“Will do.” I replied quietly, stepping forward to close the trunk despite my confusion.  
That name was stuck on my mind as we walked to where ever his car was, and although I had mostly decided to chalk it up to him being with so many other women, it seemed to slide off his tongue far too naturally to be some sort of coincidence.  
I decided not to dwell on it, and instead I focused on trying to guess which of the many fancy cars parked behind the building was his. I had my assumptions, and it was a good way to pass the time.  
"Just a second." He said stopping behind a black Audi, and pulled his keys from his pocket.  
Second guess score! If this was the way my life ended, then I wouldn’t be at all unhappy to accept it. Otherwise, it must have been the luckiest day of my life.  
Even so, I couldn’t help feeling the slightest bit self-conscious. He might not have been the classiest person in the world, but me, I was cheap. Just a disposable toy compared to him, and for some incomprehensible reason, I was more than okay to comply with that.  
The interior of his car smelled new, like fresh upholstery with a hint of some other, less professional things.  
I sat up straight, my hands in my lap and feet perfectly centered on the floor mat. It was so clean I doubted he had company often.  
He slammed the drivers door closed behind him, making me jump. “It wouldn’t kill ya to relax a little.”  
Maybe it was obvious, or maybe he really was just great at reading people, but I felt the tension leave my body hearing his words.  
“Sorry.” I whispered.  
Most of that first drive was swallowed up by awkward silence, for me at least. He didn’t seem to mind much at all, aside from the side-eyed glances he kept giving me.  
To my relief, he finally spoke up at a particularly long red light. “You know that feelin when you see a stray puppy, and you know you shouldn’t take it home but something keeps tellin ya to?” He looked over at me with a smirk.  
It must have taken him the whole drive to come up with that one.  
“Is that what I am?” I raised my eyebrow at him.  
That deep raspy laugh of his told me I guessed correct. “How does pet sound? Has a nice ring to the ears.”  
Dehumanization was a trait of serial killer, I’d learned about that years ago. Then again, it seemed to me that he was making excuses for himself, no harm intended.  
“I don’t mind it.” I shrugged it off, it really did have a pleasant ring to it.  
“I think it suits you.”  
“Thanks?”  
“Sure.”  
I sat back with a huff, oddly calm despite him driving at about twice the speed limit. I trusted that he knew what he was doing. When that awkward ride finally drew to an end, we turned down a road that took us to a residential area, made up of some pretty high-class houses. Nothing that quite reached mansion status, but still overly classy by my standards.  
“Here we are.” He sighed aloud, pulling into the first of the few circular driveways that led to one of the nicer houses on the street. Not too big, beautiful beige stonework, and tall arched windows. It almost seemed too formal of a place for a single man.  
“Damn.” I whispered to myself, luckily not loud enough for him to hear, I couldn’t say I wasn’t impressed.  
He parked a short walk from the front door, motioning for me to follow him as he got out of the car. I couldn’t help wondering why a person would own a garage and not use, but I didn’t care enough to ask.  
Despite my offers to help, he insisted on carrying everything himself, the stubborn man he was.  
“The decisions I make.” He sighed to himself, setting down one of the bags so he could unlock the door.  
I stood back aways, my hands politely behind my back until he walked me inside.  
Beige walls and dark hardwood floors, living room to the left, staircase to the right, and a short hallway straight ahead. I stopped to take in my surroundings, and he gave me a look that I would equate to something like pity. Maybe it was forced, but either way had the same effect on me.  
“Not one for new places?” His hand rubbed my shoulder in some sort of comforting way.  
“I’ll be fine.” My eyes moved to his and he quickly looked away.  
His hand on my shoulder gently pushed me toward the stairs. “Not a problem, you’ll be sleepin with me.”  
My heart sped up, this was actually happening. Everything about this turn of events felt so foreign to me, but it was oddly exhilarating. I followed close behind him, to the first door on the left, the master bedroom. A neatly made king size bed faced west, with a large flat screen tv against the opposite wall.  
He directed me to the right corner of the room, gesturing to the right side of the bed. “Get settled in, I’ll be back in a little while. So uh, mi casa su casa, er whatever.”  
“Um, alright...” By the time I answered, he’d already left the room.  
I had read somewhere that most men preferred the right side of the bed, but I suppose he was an exception. Being left all alone in the house of someone I’d only met a day before wasn’t the most enjoyable experience, but at the same time, did it mean he trusted me in a way?  
No, he’s not like that.  
Having no idea where he’d run off to, I did as he said, arranging what I’d brought and patiently waiting for him to return. I’d tried to be as neat as possible, to take up the least amount of space, but in the end I still wasn’t happy with my organization.  
“Been busy?”  
I jumped, spinning around to see him leaning against the door frame, an amused grin on his face.  
“You scared the hell outta me!” My hand unintentionally found a place over my thundering heart.  
He laughed. “Well, you did jump about six feet in the air.”  
I rolled my eyes, but I couldn’t prevent the stupid childish smile that forced it’s way onto my lips when I heard him laugh like that.  
“I’ll be down stairs if you need me.” He turned to leave again, but I ran to his side.  
“I’ll come with you.” It sounded clingy, but I didn’t know what else to do.  
Thankfully he didn’t object, and neither of us spoke until we reached the stairs.  
“Dinner?” He turned to look up at me from his position a few steps down.  
“Sounds good.”  
“Besides, I want the chance to talk to ya.” His voice carried that low undertone, and I felt a cold chill run down my back. “All good things.”  
I’d have to get used to that. His uncanny ability to tell what made me uncomfortable. At the very least, I could tell he was making an effort.  
He led me downstairs to the kitchen, and sat me down on one of the barstools that were arranged around the island in the center. I watched him as he moved about the kitchen silently, the entire time filled with an odd admiration for the graceful way that he went about his business, even if it felt like I wasn’t even there. That terribly odd sense that something was very wrong kept stabbing at the back of my brain, as painful as nails on a chalkboard, but I was getting better at ignoring it. The strangely cheery, and welcoming man that stood in front of me was far more important. I didn’t pay much attention to what he’d placed in front of me, and perhaps that was a bit rude, but something else had caught my attention. When I glanced over to the nearest window my eyes were met with black, it was already dark outside, and raining as well.  
“Yeah, not the best weather for December, is it?” He sighed, and I saw him take a seat beside me from the corner of my eye.  
“I guess not.” Try as I might, it was more than difficult to pull my eyes from that thin pane of glass.  
I looked down at the plate he’d sat before me. It was simple, some sort of steak with vegetables on the side. Leftovers, or so I assumed, not that it bothered me.  
“Mr. Trager?” I turned to him hesitantly, like one would a snake that was poised to strike. “Can I ask you something?”  
He smiled, the dying rasp of what would have been a laugh in the back of his throat. “Shoot.”  
“Why’d you decide to bring me home?” Asking that question this early probably wasn’t the best idea, I knew, but curiosity got the better of me yet again.  
“You don’t know?” He looked down at me, a serious stillness in his eyes.  
I shook my head ‘no’.  
“That makes two of us.” His voice was soft, almost too minimal for me to hear.  
Maybe, just maybe, I’d been right about him after all. Maybe I had a chance at making it out of this alive.  
“But let’s talk about you.” Suddenly he sounded oh-so much more sinister. “Tell me why you came to my office yesterday.”  
Had I not made it obvious? If he still didn’t trust me, then why the hell would he have brought me home?  
“I told you, I went because I wanted to meet you.” It wasn’t hard to sound as convincing as possible, I was telling the truth after all.  
“And how do I know that?” The sinister tone was wearing thin, easing some of the tension, but what was underneath may have been worse.  
Something like distrust or denial, and it throughly amazed me how much I could learn about him simply by the way he talked, it was strangely disturbing.  
“I...” I looked away for a moment, unable to respond to a question like that, until the words spilled from my mouth on their own. “I came back, didn’t I?”  
“So you did.” He leaned an arm on the dark granite counter top, turning further toward me. “Why’d you do it?”  
“I wanted to see you again.” I could hear my own undeniable honesty.  
With a sigh, he reached forward and brushed a lock of dark brown hair from my eyes, tucking it behind my ear. “I know.”  
“Why did you even ask me to come back?” That was the question that intrigued me the most, although I doubted I’d get a clear answer.  
“Well...” He paused for a moment, almost like he was reconsidering. “I guess was bored.”  
I smiled with a soft laugh, and shook my head. “That’s all it takes?”  
“I had a lot of liquor, alright, you call that fair?” He nudged me with his elbow in a playful manner. “Can’t say it’s the worst drunk decision I’ve ever made.”  
That, I would come to take as a compliment, he didn’t seem like the type to be blatant. The food was too good for me to dwell on it anyway.  
“How’d you get in?” He eyed me with a sly expression.  
“I know a few people...” There was a smug sense of pride in my words.  
“Clever, I’ll give you that.” The smile that speaking seemed to bring to his face slowly faded, and he broke that precious eye contact.  
Still, I didn’t look away. That was first time I’d really been able to study him like that, to take in his every seemingly perfect feature and stare a little while longer.  
“Tired?” He asked, finally acknowledging me again.  
I nodded. After all those years, waking up to an alarm had done me in for an early night’s rest, especially knowing who would be sleeping beside me. Despite the slight fatigue, he couldn’t convince me not to help him clean up. He certainly turned out to be much more laidback than I expected, although I didn’t have the most reliable sources going into this. Of course it could have been a front, but every now and again I’d catch a glimpse of sincerity in him from the deepest of undertones. He kept that side well hidden.  
He walked me back upstairs, uncharacteristically calm and contented, making the lingering unease melt from my chest. It almost felt something like comfort, and it’d been quite some time since I’d felt that.  
“Come on, don’t be shy.” He beaconed me forward from my position in the bedroom doorway, his fingers already working down the buttons on his shirt.  
I took a few steps forward, moving my eyes up and down his body. “Do you want to, uh... Do anything?”  
“No, uh...” He paused to think for a moment, starring blankly. “No, not now.”  
Something was definitely still off about him, but as tired as I was, I decided to work at whatever it was tomorrow. That however, wouldn’t fix the issues I was faced with in the current moment.  
Why hadn’t I taken the time to consider how awkward this might have been? I knew I had nothing to be nervous about, there weren’t many things that could be more intimate than what I’d done just the day before, but... When was the last time I’d actually spent the night in someone else’s bed?  
I tried not to show the hesitant side of me, crawling my way into the silky sheets as if it came naturally. My eyes grew heavy, and although I felt wonderful, I was utterly terrified of my presence disturbing him. Every movement of my own made me feel like a burden, a pest.  
“Sorry!” I mumbled, feeling my hand graze his arm by careless mistake.  
Everything had been going so well, and yet there I was, making a fool of myself over something as simple as sharing a bed.  
“Calm down.” With a defeated sigh, he rolled over and draped his arm over me, pulling me slightly closer. “You’re fine.”  
I could have sworn every part of me, from the brain to the heart, froze in time for a split second. He was so, so close, his bare chest against my back. A feeling of warmth and safety that, at that point in my life, I almost couldn’t believe. How could someone who outwardly seemed so cold, be so comfortingly warm? Like floating in the air on a heated updraft, and in that fleeting ecstasy, I knew I could lull myself to sleep.  
“Goodnight, Mr. Trager.” I whispered.


	3. Benevolence

The warm light of dawn breaking shined through the window, gently pulling me from my slumber. It was a pleasant feeling to wake up to, but I couldn’t shake the thought that something was missing. With a halfhearted groan, I reached my hand to the left side of the bed, finding it empty and cold. My body lunged forward into a sitting position in a blind panic, before my surroundings brought on a sigh of relief. How could I have forgotten where I was? He was probably just off to work, and I thought it considerate of him to let me sleep in.  
Falling back onto soft the pillows behind me, I turned to my side, spotting a slip of paper on the nightstand beside me. Did he leave me a note?  
“Hate to leave you all alone, but the job doesn’t wait. Somebody’s gotta keep this damn company up and running. Anyway, don’t be afraid to make yourself at home, I’ll be back around 3:00  
And if you do plan on leaving, don’t take any of my fucking shirts, I’m tired of that.”  
\- Rick  
I chuckled at that last part. His phone number was crudely scribbled just below his name, far messier than the neat handwriting above it, he must have written it in a hurry. Then again, did he really think I would just up and leave?  
Maybe I should shoot him a text, at least then he’d have my number. As I was reaching for my phone, the glowing red digits of an alarm clock caught my attention, 2:00p.m. He’d be back just an hour from now...  
I left my phone at rest on the bedside table, a much better idea had come to mind. Whatever had made him act so strangely the night before, I’d make sure it was good and gone today. That didn’t stop the memory of it from troubling my mind, maybe this time he wouldn’t be quite as distant. Even if he did, I had my ways of working around it. I knew there wasn’t much time, so I begrudgingly forced myself out of bed, it wasn’t nearly as comfortable without him there anyway. It didn’t take me long to find what I was looking for, right at the bottom of the smaller of my two bags. I had to make today interesting for the both of us, with only one hour left to work with.  
Maybe it said something demeaning about me that some of the most expensive things I owned were lingerie, although I’d never had an excuse to wear any of them until now.  
Slick black heels six inches in height, stockings topped with soft black lace, and a matching black corset set. I let a few of my loose brown curls fall in front of my shoulders, freshly washed and dried. He had told me to make myself at home, and I considered my love affair with cleanliness to be a top priority. I had to admit that my appearance was stare worthy, even if I wasn’t very fond of my own looks.  
My plan had been to wait in the bedroom. I assumed it would the first place he’d look, but when I heard him unlocking the door around 3:05, I found myself frozen at the top of the stairs. As good a time as any I supposed. An excited blush spread over my face as the door slowly swung open.  
“Right right, I’ll call you back.” The sound of him laughing brought me a timid smile.  
He looked up at me with with that gorgeous sideways smirk, his head tilted slightly to the side. “Well, aren’t you just full of surprises?”  
My smile grew wider. “How was your day?”  
Something was definitely different, not at all like the day before, but still just the slightest bit off... Perhaps it was the way that he looked at me upon first sight, he’d looked me in the eyes.  
I laughed a little, rubbing my left arm nervously.  
“Why don’t you come down here, and I’ll tell ya about it?” He nodded towards the living room, beaconing me to follow.  
One by one, I walked down the dark hardwood stairs, watching my feet as I trotted my way down to meet him. He hadn’t struck me as the type to wear white, but I couldn’t deny how lovely the color looked on him. I assumed even with his status, the need to appear professional every now and again, was inescapable. It was made more obvious by the black blazer he carried, draped over his right forearm. With his free left arm, he pulled me closer by the shoulders, urging me through the archway to the living area.  
“How’d you know I like coming home to half naked women?” He asked jokingly.  
Without much thought, my hand reached up to grab his hand at me shoulder, and to my surprise he let it be.  
“Call it a hunch.” I replied, tracing his knuckles with the tips of my fingers.  
Tossing the black overcoat onto the coffee table, he took a seat on the couch with a sigh, and reached for a bottle of what I assumed was liquor that sat on the table to the side of him. Once he sat back, glass in hand, he motioned for me to come sit next to him.  
“Come on, don’t be shy.” He teased with that casual charm.  
I gladly obliged, hurrying over to curl up by his side.  
“So?” I looked up at his eyes, leaning gently against his shoulder. “How’d it go?”  
The smile that lit up his face when I asked him to talk was one of my favorite things, so much warmer and brighter than usual. Knowing that all it took was a few words to make him smile like that, it brought back that tingly stabbing sensation in my chest. I ignored it again, knowing well that my feelings didn’t need to be a part of this.  
This was about him.  
“Did I tell ya I went out for drinks with Jer after work? Made him pay for the whole thing too! Anyways, we were at this-“ He went on, telling me about how he and Jeremy would make bets each week to decide who took up the bill when they went out. While he really loved to hear himself talk, I hoped he could tell that I loved listening to him even more. The words weren’t important, it was the sound of his voice that kept me interested. I kept my responses to a minimum, nodding along to give him the spotlight.  
He continued telling me a story about one of the old Murkoff company Christmas parties between sips of scotch, and I slowly worked my way closer to him.  
Eventually, I found my self laying across his lap, his fingers lightly brushing through my hair as he spoke. Every touch sent chills down my spine, leaving numbing warmth in their place.  
I stared up at him, taking in every exceptional little detail. The way his jaw moved when he talked, the smooth exaggerated moments of his eyes. From my angle the light found them just right, highlighting every different shade of hazel brown. I could have listened to him talk for hours, savoring every little word, until we came upon the subject of his rise in position at Murkoff that is.  
“and uh... Well, maybe I shouldn’t talk about that part.” He twirled a lock of my hair around his finger, his eyes aimed blankly toward the floor.  
I propped myself up on one arm, bringing my face closer to his. “Is there something else you’d like to talk about?”  
His half empty drink glass hit the glossy, dark wood tabletop with a soft clack, turning his full attention to me.  
“How about I let you do some talking?” He ran a hand up my right thigh, letting it rest on my hip.  
Grabbing onto his shoulders for support, I moved my legs around his hips and my hands trailed down his chest to the first button on his shirt. I leaned in a bit closer, my lips near to his ear, where the heavy warmth of alcohol on his breath was intoxicating to me. He had such a pleasant smell, a pleasant touch.  
As I reached the last button, I felt his fingers entangle in my hair and he pulled my head back, pressing his lips against the curve of my neck. His teeth were leaving tiny nip marks on my skin, a gesture that I found to be quite nice.  
The firm grip of his hands found their way back down to my waist, and pulled me closer with the slightest touch of force. I caught on to those little signals, rolling my hips against his as I ran my hands down his bare chest.  
He was always so warm, I wanted to be closer to him. To be the closest that close could be.  
He broke away from neck, leaving those fresh marks exposed to the chill of the air, but the warmth of his mouth stayed close to my jaw. “Your turn.”  
To say that I didn’t want him would have been an outright lie, but I didn’t want to be occupied with myself, my attention was solely for him. I wanted complete awareness, to see just how much he enjoyed every minuscule second. Even if he’d made it obvious that he was the type to give attention more so than receive it, this was my time to show him what he deserved.  
I moved further down, tracing the contours of his body with my lips. My hands drifted down to his waist, tediously slow. That signature smirk, told me that he knew exactly what I was doing. I let my body slide from the soft cushions, my knees hitting the floor between his feet. I must have looked something like a drooling puppy staring up at him the way I did, but I didn’t feel tiniest lick of shame. His eyes could dash my worries against the rocks in an instant, with nothing more than a subtle authoritative glance. I bit my lip, moving my hands down to his belt.  
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~  
I felt like royalty, like a prized pet in the lap of the king. My king’s left hand gently stroked the back of my head, where it had stayed since he loosened his grip on a fist of my hair. He leaned his head back with low-toned sigh, dropping his hand to his own left knee. I straightened my posture, enjoying the sense of pride that worked it’s way up into my chest as I waited for him to speak.  
“Ya gonna let me have turn next time?” He chuckled softly.  
Next time... Never in my life had those words given me so much hope.  
“I’d like that.” I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.  
When he finally lifted his head to look down at me, he stared, for maybe just a second too long. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, like he’d made some sort of logical mistake.  
“Uh.” He combed his finger through is hair. “Why don’t you go upstairs and get dressed?”  
“Sure.” I hid my confusion behind a gentle smile, and rose to my feet.  
Being any further away from him wasn’t exactly something that I wanted, but I obliged nonetheless, hurrying my way upstairs as he’d asked.  
I slipped on a semi-formal black dress and brushed my teeth, my own eyes catching my attention in the mirror just before I left the bathroom. How long had it been since I’d smiled that wide? This was risky, maybe even stupid, but all too rewarding to run away from. If somehow I’d managed to form such a strong attachment after only three days, it couldn’t hurt me to stick around for a few more, right?  
Those pestering thoughts subsided when I found him waiting for me at the foot of the staircase, groomed and dressed as if nothing had happened at all.  
“Anywhere in particular you’d like to go for dinner?” He flashed me that uplifting plastic smile, leaning with his arm propped against the banister.  
“We’re going out?” I kicked myself for asking, it should have been obvious.  
“Well, that’s the plan. Any suggestions?” He jingled his keys from the loop around his forefinger.  
“Uh.” I groaned. “Do I have to pick?”  
“Ah, no.” He said, stepping away from the banister with a shrug. “I had a place in mind. Not much around here, after all.”  
He made a sharp turn and headed for the door, turning to look back at me with his hand on the knob. “Ya comin’?”  
I nodded, rushing down the stairs to join him. For whatever motivation he might have had for being so kind to me, I found it constantly growing easier to trust him. There was always the chance that the plethora of rumors I’d heard about him were false. He didn’t seem anything like the they’d spoken of him, not yet at least.  
These were the things that occurred my mind as we walked to his car, leaving me searching for any possible distraction.  
He had a garage, didn’t he? Why wouldn’t he park there, instead of nearly on his doorstep? I didn’t care enough to ask. Besides, it did make for a shorter walk.  
“You don’t talk much, do you?” His eyes cut through me like knives, as he slide his key into the ignition.  
“I guess I don’t have that much to say...” I could feel my body practically cowering at the mention of the subject.  
He laughed. “I’ve been around my fair share of women, so trust me when I say, there’s not much you can do that’ll tick me off.”  
How did he know? To think all my life I’d thought I hid my emotions well, yet he seemed to pick up on them without a hint of trouble.  
“I’ll get it outta ya eventually.” He almost sounded disappointed in my lack of response.  
Regret was sure to come if I didn’t speak up, besides, I really did want to talk to him. “You can try.”  
“How’d you end up here, anyway?” He glanced over at me, far too knowingly.  
Of course it had to be that question.  
I swallowed, and turned my gaze to the passenger side window. “I uh, I ran away.”  
It shouldn’t have been that shameful for me to admit, but the more I mulled over it, the more self hated it drew out of me.  
His eyes didn’t move from their firm hold on the road. “From what.”  
Flat and emotionless, his tone of voice was exactly the spur I needed, no misplaced sympathy or pity.  
“Virginia.” I replied softly.  
He nodded, showing he was pleased with my cooperation. “And what was so bad about Virginia?”  
“I just uh...“ I stumbled over my words. “I needed to get away.”  
I hoped that if anything, he’d pick up on my discomfort. People don’t just run nearly two thousand miles from home without provocation.  
He sighed. “I won’t make ya talk about it.”  
This new attitude of his was strangely foreign to me.  
Even stranger was my desire to continue the conversation, it was nothing like me to have that feeling. “Anything else?”  
There was a short silence before he settled on another question. “Why’d you pick Colorado?”  
Relief washed over me, a grin forming on my lips. “Actually, because of you in a way.”  
“You’re kidding.” He smiled, sounding suddenly more interested, probably a boost to his ego.  
“No, there was that whole little corporate scandal. Missing patients... It didn’t make the news were I lived, but An-“ I stopped, I couldn’t just throw names around like that. “A friend, that works at Mount Massive... He showed me the videos.”  
“Fuck, I remember that.” The dreary mood of his voice sounded almost regretful.  
“Ever since then I’ve heard stories and, well, some of the things they said...” How could I word this? “I decided to come see you for my self.”  
“Hell, I forgot about that video.” He hid an almost malicious sneer under his breath. “The fuckers.”  
The car grew quiet as we pulled into the parking lot of a rather fancy looking restaurant.  
“There. Wasn’t so bad, now was it?” He tossed open the driver’s door. “Told ya I’d get you to open up.”  
“You’re good at it, too.” Something struck my mind as I was about to step out of the car. “Mr. Trager?”  
“Hm?” He hummed, ducking his head under the roof to see me.  
“What if someone recognizes you or something? You said-“  
He cut me off. “Listen, out here and inside Mount Massive are two completely different rule books, understand?”  
I nodded. “Yes sir.”  
“I promise there won’t be any trouble, alright?” His tone softened as he closed the car door.  
Before my feet even touched the ground, he was there, offering me a hand up.  
“Thank you.” I smiled and gladly took his hand, letting him pull me to my feet.  
We walked to the front doors together, his arm draped over my shoulders. The dim lights of the establishment reflected in the shallow puddles that last night’s rain had left on the pavement, drawing my attention to my feet as I walked. It was dark outside for only being 6:30, but I hadn’t been given long to adjust to the time difference.  
“Two.” Trager held up two fingers, as we approached the man at the counter.  
“Of course.” The man gave me a sideways glance. “If you’ll just follow me.”  
What it was about, I didn’t know, but I could only guess it had something to do with who I was with.  
Ricks arm over my shoulders pulled me a bit closer as we followed.  
He leaned over to whisper in my ear. “He must be new, I don’t think I like ‘em.”  
I held back a laugh.  
Our destination was a small table near the corner. Fortunately for me, the place didn’t seem too incredibly classy from an inside view.  
“So,” He leaned back, propping his arm on the back of the chair. “Never been to Virginia, what’s it like?”  
“It’s... Pretty. Nice and green most of the year. I don’t really care much for anything thing else.” I answered with honesty.  
How else could I have explained to him that being in his presence had brought me from a living hell, to my own personal heaven?  
Before I knew it, the waitress had taken our orders, and brought out a bottle of champagne without the slightest question as to my age. He asked me more, prodding for information that I was almost positive he didn’t care about.  
What part of Virginia was I from? Did I have any family there? If I ran away, were people looking for me? That familiar manipulative undertone showed a heavy presence.  
I couldn’t help but wonder if he had ‘plans’ for me. Playing with his food, so to speak. Did I really have that amount of distrust in me?  
Glass after glass of champagne forced that those thoughts to the back burners, and I found that his stern demeanor melted away the longer our conversation lasted.  
“News really gets that far around, huh?” He took a sip from his glass of wine, the second bottle aside from the champagne.  
“Oh, I’ve heard plenty! A lot about you and Mr. Blaire, guess you guys are the talk of the crowd. Of course I do have a habit of asking about you in particular.” I hid my bashful grin behind my own wine glass, which was only my second.  
“Ya know I never would’ve guessed.” He laughed.  
Not just that, he laughed genuinely and that was when I realized, I was actually having fun. I was smiling, laughing, hell I was ecstatic. Is that what he wanted?  
No, he’s not like that. Right?  
At the bottom of the final bottle of wine, he seemed somehow different, like he’d known me for much longer than a measly few days. He spoke to me like one would a very close family member, and to me, there was no better feeling.  
“Thank you, Mr. Trager.” I leaned my head against his chest as we headed for the door, his arm in it’s rightful place around my shoulders.  
He replied with an awkward lack of expression. “Anytime.”  
I chose to push it off as one of the many things I’d come to ignore in him.  
Just as the doors closed behind us, something towards the rear corner of the parking lot caught Rick’s attention.  
He stepped in front of me blocking my potential view, and firmly planted his hands on my shoulders. “I need you to go get in the car. Keep your head down.”  
“What’s going on?”  
“Do it now, go.” The serious look in his eyes horrified me.  
I released the cuff of his shirt, that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding, and made a dash for the black Audi. Thankfully I was a quiet runner, but what the hell was going on? Get in the car and keep my head down?  
My hands were shaking as I reached for the door handle, breathing a sigh of relief in finding it unlocked. I kicked off my shows in the floor boards and curled my small body into the passenger seat.  
“Fuck.” I cursed to myself.  
It could be nothing, at least that’s what I tried to tell myself. Was it work related? Maybe he’d just seen an old friend and didn’t want to be seen with me, but then why would he react like that? With that much emotion in his eyes, I had to be more than that.  
I tried to still my mind from driving me in circles, to the point of near insanity. All I had to do was wait.  
Five minutes. Ten minutes.  
The sound of the driver’s door being opened nearly gave me a heart attack. “Sorry about that.” Trager’s voice soothed.  
“Thank fuck.” I whispered, relieved to have him back with me. “What was that all about?”  
He sighed, leaning back against the seat. “Can you drive?”  
I shouldn’t have expected a straight answer. “I didn’t bring my license.”  
My heart was still thumping in my chest, and why the hell wouldn’t he answer me?  
“I didn’t ask if you brought your license, I asked if you could drive.” He motioned to the steering wheel.  
“I mean, I can, but you don’t want me to drive your car. Do you?” I didn’t want that kind of responsibility, especially after drinking.  
Not that I wasn’t a good driver, in fact I considered my self a great driver, but his car was likely worth more than anything I’d ever owned.  
“You’ll be fine, come on.” By the end of the sentence, he was already on his way to the passenger side.  
I didn’t really have a choice now, did I?  
“Fine.” I grumbled to myself, slipping my shoes back on as I opened my door.  
He leaned against the fender, arms and legs crossed as he waited for me to get out. “What’s the matter? Don’t think you can handle ‘er?”  
I rolled eyes. “Oh, shut up.”  
He laughed, slamming the passenger door behind him.  
I had to admit, it felt good to be in that drivers seat. That much power, right at my fingertips. The tires squealed, leaving a cloud of smoke in their wake as I backed out.  
“Hey, hey! Take it easy.” He shielded me with his arm like a protective mother.  
“Oh, come on.” I gave it some gas, speeding out of the parking lot. “This is what they’re made for!”  
“Alright.” He relaxed, resting his arm on the door panel. “Let’s see it then.”  
I sped up, an eager smile on my lips. With the slightest press of the gas pedal, I was already far above the speed limit.  
“Woah.” The adrenaline rush it gave left me in temporary state of awe.  
Until the point that I realized my only place marker was a gas station I’d stopped at on my drive up. The possibility of getting lost, and being in control of a vehicle that was likely worth well over my pathetic life’s savings, it was all a bit much for me to handle.  
“I don’t know the way back to your house.” I said, trying to mask my growing panic.  
“Uh oh, better think of something fast.” He teased.  
“Damn it.” My knuckles turned white as I gripped the leather steering wheel tighter. “This isn’t funny!”  
He only laughed harder.  
A growl of frustration rose in the back of my throat.  
“You know what? I did think of something!” I put on my best proud voice.  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Mhm.”  
I relaxed a bit, easing my worries since I knew exactly where we were headed. As I drove, his eyes kept drifting over to me then back to the road, that odd unreadable expression on his face. Was he testing me? And if so, for what purpose?  
After a few silent minutes, I pulled off onto a side road, slowly coming to a stop at a dirt path overlook.  
I parked just close enough to the edge, that the lights of the much larger city below us were visible. “I saw the sign and stopped here on my way in. Just thought it was nice.”  
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen that.” He replied, sitting up from his slouching position to look down. “It’s a nice view at night though, aye? Sometimes I forget we’re all the way up here.”  
It was so quiet here, so peacefully silent at night. Nothing like that places I was used to.  
“What now?” I crossed arms over the wheel and rested my chin on top.  
“Hey, you brought me out here, I’m just along for the ride.” He said with a smug grin.  
“Why’d you want me to do this?” From the corner of my eye, I could see still him.  
He eased the seat back, kicking up his feet on the dashboard. How classy.  
“Just reminiscing.” He sighed.  
Reminiscing about what? I didn’t ask.  
My body wanted to take this in a different direction.  
“You know, I’m sure you could think of some way to keep us occupied.” I kept my voice low and seductive, reaching forward to turn the radio dial as I crept closer to him.  
The faint sound of a song I didn’t recognize filled the empty air.  
“How so?” His eyes shifted back to me, one eyebrow raised at the suggestion.  
“Oh, I think you can guess this one.” I glanced over his body with a smirk.  
I’d been waiting for this moment for a long time.  
He crossed his arms mockingly. “I don’t know, you’re not really persuading me.”  
“Even if I say please?” My words held the same mock sarcasm that his had.  
I unbuckled my seatbelt with a satisfying click, taking note that he hadn’t even bothered to wear his in the first place.  
“Gettin’ warmer.” His arms pulled me onto his lap with little effort, as I tried to crawl my way across the center console.  
With my hands on his shoulders, I pushed him back into the reclined leather seat. “Oh really?”  
“I suppose I haven’t been very fair to you, now have I?” His voice softened to a whisper.  
I forced my knees further into the seat, hiking up my dress to just below my hips, in an effort to get more friction between us. “Isn’t it suppose to be your turn?”  
He grabbed hold of my collar, pulling me closer. “You want it to be my turn?”  
Fuck, his voice sounded like it was torn straight from a porno.  
I laid my body down on top of his, staring up at him with my chin on his chest. “Yes.”  
“Well, I can’t argue with those eyes, can I?” He grabbed my waist roughly, and flipped me onto my back, pinning me beneath him.  
His hands pushed up my dress, finding their way to my bare hips. He looked back to my eyes with a smirk.  
“I always come prepared.” I said with a sly wink.  
He laughed softly. “Convenient.”  
Limited space would make things a little awkward, sure, but that was far from stopping us. I trusted, his experience being infinitely broader than mine, that he’d probably been in this position a number of times before.  
He slipped his belt from the loops of his pants, tossing it in the backseat. I felt the claws of anticipation climbing through my chest, maybe a touch of nervousness as well. If I’d thought I wanted to be close to him before, there wasn’t much of a way for two people to get any closer than we were about to be, and I had waited long enough.  
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~  
His body collapsed onto mine unbelievably gently, breathing a few raspy pants against my ear. I couldn’t help but run my fingers through his hair, brushing back the damp curls.  
“Fuck.” He huffed.  
We were still for little more than a moment, and I could feel him inside me. He didn’t have to know how much what we’d just done meant to me. To him I doubted it was anything more than an average hookup, and that fact didn’t bother me in the slightest. Despite what people said about him, I found him to be rather endearing. Even sweet, for lack of a better word. We somehow managed to wedge both of our bodies side by side in the passenger seat, a bit cramped for space, but undeniably cozy. My body was still buzzing as if I was floating.  
“Have fun?” He asked, his voice still a bit worn.  
I felt my teeth begin to chatter from the abrupt drop in temperature, it was getting pretty chilly, but to say no would be a lie. “Y-yeah.”  
He put his arm round me, rubbing my back as he pulled me closer in an effort to warm me up.  
“Did I ever ask how old you were?” He asked, his hand cupped the back of my head, holding me comfortably near his chest.  
“I just turned twenty a few months back.” I replied casually.  
He left out a gentle laugh. “Fuck, feels like I’m in high school again.”  
I was going to make joke about him having sex with women in their twenties while he was in high school, but I decided against it.  
I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his hand massaging my head. “How old are you, like thirty eight?”  
“Forty one, actually, though I’m flattered.” He sighed. “You know what they say, age is but a number.”  
“Mhm.” I hummed, almost slipping into a dream as I laid there.  
He gave my shoulder a small nudge, waking me up. “You know, I’d love to stay here all night, but I think we’d better head home.”  
“Agreed.” I said with a yawn.  
Thankfully, Rick agreed to drive home. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than a warm place next to him in bed.  
”Don’t fall asleep on me over there, alright?” He commented on the way I rested my head against the window.  
“I’m awake.” I muttered, although it wasn’t exactly an easy task to hold my eyes open.  
What time was it? It had to have been pretty late, or so I assumed based on the dark black sky above us.  
When we finally arrived back home, I could tell it was well into the night. The roads were nearly desolate.  
“Do you have to worked tomorrow?” I asked tiredly, wrapping my arms around myself to shield from the cold, while I waited for him to unlock the front door.  
“Tomorrow? No.” He pushed the door open forcefully, immediately heading for the stairs. “Just a few errands to run. You up for that?”  
“I guess so.” I replied with a shrug.  
It was a luxury having the opportunity to get a decent nights rest for once, and naturally the bedroom was my first destination. Even if my mind kept tossing up its self preservative red flags, warning me that I was putting myself in a place I wanted nothing to do with. Everything he’d done for me, and my subconscious still didn’t want me to trust him. I trusted him, it was my decision, and everything that had happened so far I would take as good signs.  
“Water?” I heard him call from somewhere down the hall.  
“Yes please!” I yelled back, digging through my suitcase to get to my nightwear.  
Find clothes, brush teeth, brush hair, and sleep.  
Nothing but a black silk nightgown would do just fine, and by the time he returned, I was already dressed and prepped for bed.  
“Thanks.” I took one of the clear crystal glasses from his hand, taking a swallow of the cold water.  
His face turned to a mild look of concern. “You feelin’ alright, doll?”  
“What? Of course, why?” Was there something wrong with me?  
More importantly, did he just call me doll?  
He shrugged, walking over to set the other glass down on his nightstand. “You just look kinda pale.”  
“I’m just tired.” I waved my hand to dismiss the subject.  
Tired and cold, and oh, what a treat it would be to curl up next to him under the covers.  
I crawled my way into the bed, mummifying my body in the silky sheets. He wasn’t too far behind, switching off the lights a few seconds before I felt the warmth of his body move under the sheets. We faced each other, his arm around me just like the night before, only this time I could nuzzle my head against his chest. I liked that.  
“Goodnight.” I whispered, warm and contented, exactly where I wanted to be.  
“Right... Goodnight.”  
Somewhere along the line, his distant nature had ceased to bother me. I closed my eyes, and tried to let myself drift off. Even so, I was still aware when I felt his arm tighten around me, and his chin rest on the top of my head. He must have believed I was already asleep, or maybe he thought I wouldn’t notice, but I only reacted with a smile in the dark.


	4. Reality is Grey

“Morning.” I felt a hand on my head. “It’s time to get up.”  
I opened my right eye to see Trager towering above me.  
“Good morning.” I stretched my arms up toward the headboard, with a groggy sigh.  
He disappeared from my range of view, his voice carrying from somewhere near the master bathroom. “Sleep good?”  
“Of course.” I replied, pressing my feet against the cold hardwood floor.  
Only someone like him could make an early morning enjoyable. How did he manage to be so cheery all the time?  
He reappeared, heading abruptly for the bedroom door. “Take your time, I’ll be downstairs when you’re ready.”  
With a sigh, I fell backwards onto the bed for one last breath before I got ready.  
“What am I doing?” I whispered to myself, the voice that came out hardly sounded like my own.  
What I was I doing? I was making the life I’d always wanted. I was making up for lost time. This was a good thing.  
After a quick shower and some nice warm clothes, I pepped myself up to meet him on the first floor, but the sound of his voice brought me to a halt at the middle of the stairs.  
“Right right, just like I told ya!” He must have been on the phone. “Have I ever let you down before?”  
With a bit of hesitation, I tiptoed my way from the stairs around the corner, following his voice to the kitchen. I hadn’t expected any kind of greeting, he was a busy man after all, but I certainly hadn’t expected him to turn away and hush to a whisper when he saw me. Probably just something work related, something that people like me weren’t supposed to hear.  
“Tell ya what, I’ll call you back in a little while, yeah?” He turned to face me again, one hand in his pocket, the other holding the phone to his ear. “Sounds good, thanks buddy.”  
Not wanting to interrupt, I stood a few feet away from him, my hands clasped together behind me. Getting on his bad side definitely wasn’t on my to-do list.  
“What?” He asked, slipping the phone into his pocket.  
“Hm?” I blinked away my blank expression. “I’m just waiting on you.”  
He lifted one of the mugs from the counter behind him, offering it to me. “Coffee?”  
I took the cup from his hands, gladly, holding it close to my body to feel the warmth. “Thanks.”  
“Hope black is alright, I don’t have much to dress it up with.” He brought his own mug to his lips, shrugging his shoulders.  
I smiled. “It’s perfectly fine.”  
My enthusiasm was repaid with little more than a nod, and a distant expression. I had hoped that the previous nights events would leave him a bit more open, or ease that horrible tension at the very least. Unfortunately that didn’t seem to be the case. As if on a timer, he appeared to reset every new day.  
His demeanor only seemed even less interested than before. “Shouldn’t be a busy day, I’ve just got a few things to pick up here and there. You know how it is.”  
“Right.” I moved my eyes from him to the floor, slightly discouraged by his behavior.  
Still, if life had taught me anything, it was that if I wanted something to change I had to put in the work. Small setbacks weren’t going to scare me away.  
“Who was on the phone?” I asked softly, taking a small sip of coffee before speaking up again. “If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”  
“Oh uh.” He cracked a partial smile, taking some of the burden off my chest. “Jer, it was just Jeremy”.  
“Good news, I suppose?” I tried to sound as pleased as his perfect white smile had made me feel.  
A throaty sarcastic laugh was part of his response. “Always.”  
Whatever that was supposed to mean, it gave an edge yet again to that subtle uneasy feeling. Those intrusive thoughts were knocked loose, when the sound of his empty cup hitting the granite countertop nearly made me jump out of my skin.  
“We should get going of we wanna make it back at a decent hour.” He said, looking down at his watch.  
I nodded, following close behind as he walked out of the kitchen. Since he clearly wasn’t in a mood to be bothered, I stayed quiet as we walked to the car. Something was on his mind, that much I could tell, but I couldn’t will myself to question him. The only thing I was able to do was give another useless attempt to break down his apathetic attitude. “Mr. Trager?”  
Judging by gentle nature of his reply, he had to have noticed my discomfort with the atmosphere. “What is it?”  
“Is...” I took a breath, knowing I’d have to force out the next few words. “Is everything okay?”  
He sighed, looking both ways before turning out of the drive way. “It will be.”  
“Right.” I couldn’t stand this tension he was creating, the feeling it gave me was like snakes slithering under my skin.  
I stared out the passenger window for the longest time, trying to imagine what had changed over the night. Leafless trees and old half rotting power polls, blurred together the longer I stared. Maybe it was the phone call that flipped the switch, everything had seemed perfectly normal before that.  
I could feel his periodic glances in my direction, and in my eyes it was completely possible that he was just as upset.  
When he finally did say something, it was relatively quiet. “You know, if you see something you like today, don’t be afraid to ask.”  
“You don’t have to do that.” It only made me feel worse after all.  
I doubt he’d said it for any reason another than to make himself feel better, but I would gladly accept it for the freedom to speak.  
“Don’t ‘You don’t have to do that’ me, if I didn’t mean it I wouldn’t have offered.” He tried again.  
Even if he was only trying to make up for the situation, didn’t it at least mean something that he felt bad at all?  
“Fine, I’ll try, alright.” If only he’d known how hard I already was trying.  
He nudged me with his elbow. “Don’t sound so down about it.”  
In the midst of the conversation my mind took me back to the memory of my first dog, when my father and I had taken him to be put down. I remembered the vet handing me a treat to feed him, telling me that it would best for him to stay calm in his last moments. A morbid thought perhaps, but I couldn’t keep from equating it to what was happening now. It sounded crazy, sure, but it somehow made perfect sense. Then, why did I feel the need to allow this to continue?  
“Alright.” His hand pushed the shifter into park with a click. “Shouldn’t be too long.”  
“Where is here?” I faced forward, looking for any signs or boards that could point me to were I was.  
It looked a lot like some sort of open mall to me, surely there was a word for it, but I couldn’t think of it from the top of my head. It was probably much too classy for my tastes anyway. As classy as a small mountain town in Colorado could be, even if we’d driven nearly an hour to get there.  
“This, is what we would call a shopping center, doll.” He smiled sarcastically.  
“You know what I meant, smart-ass." I retorted, fighting the urge to roll my eyes.  
There was an odd sense of pride that came when I walked beside him, a feeling of power, like I was untouchable. In a way I suppose that I was, and to me, it was the best part. He had every ability to take me down with a single word, and for some inexplicable reason, he’d decided against it. He had so far, that is.  
“Anybody home?” His hand waved inches from my eyes.  
I shook my head. “What?”  
He laughed. “I thought I lost ya there for a second.”  
“I’m sorry, I was daydreaming.” I mumbled, pulling my self out of my metal fog.  
He paid it no mind, and simply changed the subject. “It’s kinda chilly out today, huh?”  
“It’s not too bad. Actually, I love cold weather.” I looked around at the naked trees, and their leaves that littered the sidewalk.  
The air carried that familiar scent of late autumn, a comforting smell. It smelled like a memory, one I couldn’t quite place, but a pleasant one.  
Our first stop was for a tie, which I found rather strange.  
“Since when do you wear ties?” I asked, examining the one he’d handed to me.  
In my opinion, it was pretty ugly. Who in their right mind would think red and yellow went together?  
“It’s not for me.” He squinted at the display, one hand on his chin. “It’s for a, uh, thing next Sunday.”  
I looked down at the small rectangular sign that stated the price in a thin white font. “You’re spending a hundred and fifty dollars, for a thing next Sunday?”  
“Eh.” He shrugged, his eyes still fixed on the array of neckties. “Just once a year for a good laugh, gimme a break.”  
“What’s the joke?”  
He pulled his wallet from his back pocket, flipping an old yellowed ID card from between two credit cards, and held it up in front of me. To the top left of the card was a picture of a very young Jeremy Blaire, a stupidly wide smile on his face, and a hideous red and yellow patterned tie around his neck.  
A snort escaped my nose before I had time to cover it with my hand. “Oh no.”  
“Worth it?” His smirk made it more than so.  
“Definitely.” I nodded, looking back at the tie that rested in my hand, nearly a perfect match.  
The moment we turned to make our way to the sales counter, a woman stepped between us.  
“Finding everything alright, sir?” She smiled at him intently. “Going to the reunion Sunday?”  
“Grace! It’s been awhile!” The way he spoke told me all that I needed to know about this woman. “Course I’ll be there! Haven’t missed a year since, ah, you know when...”  
“Right.” She drew out the word, resting her hand on his shoulder, which only strengthened my growing resentment. “You know, if you need anything, I’m always close by.”  
Her eyes gave me a quick once over as she walked away, and though it probably wasn’t meant to be an insult, I was finding it hard not to take it as one. Nothing like completely ignoring the fact that I was present, of course I’d never stoop low enough to show it.  
“What do ya think about grabbing some lunch after this?” His hand on my back subdued my childish envy.  
I handed him the clown-ish tie, and let the small remaining bit of jealousy leave my nerves. “That sounds amazing.”  
Once he’d paid for his overpriced party favor, luckily with a different employee at the cash register, he pointed out a small cafe across the street side.  
“They’ve got great muffins, you’ll love them!” He sounded so enthusiastic, I couldn’t help but giggle.  
“What?” He crossed his arms. “Is there something wrong with appreciating a fine breakfast food? You’ll see.”  
“I’m sure you’re right.” I agreed mindlessly.  
It was almost admirable to me how childish he could be at times, even if there was some elaborate deep rooted evil within him, I certainly couldn’t see it. Somewhere, behind the money and the bright white smile, there was a person. A person that I quite liked, despite how distant he would make himself when I caught a glimpse. I could tell that this would be one of those distant times, he had a face to save.  
“I need you to come to work with me tomorrow.” Those words caught me off guard.  
He didn’t have to know that.  
I took my seat across from him, in the black cast iron chair. “Of course.”  
Perhaps it was his wording that made the agreement so uncomfortable. He ‘needed’ me to go with him, to an old asylum filled to the brim with lying cheating business people. I wouldn’t let myself refuse, and I was fully prepared to accept whatever consequences would come of it. How many times did I have to tell myself that to make it the truth?  
“Didn’t I tell you they were the best in town?” He asked, motioning to the muffin I’d been taking tiny bites of.  
“I never doubted you.” I took a sip from my insulated little disposable coffee cup.  
Disposable...  
“Couldn’t say they compare to mine though, I’m quite the baker.” He sat back proudly, a drowsy grin on his lips.  
“Is that so?” I asked softly, raising my eyebrow.  
“Well, I don’t mean to brag. Maybe I’ll make you something, you can decide for yourself.” He looked down at his watch with a sigh. “Tell ya what, can you do me a favor?”  
“Anything.” I watched him stand up from the table, reaching for something in his pocket.  
“Take this,” He held out a credit card between his first two fingers. “Get yourself something nice, I’ll find you when I’m done.”  
“What? Done with what?” My hand curled around his wrist, it wasn’t something I’d intended to do, but I held onto him tightly.  
“Relax, I’ve just got a few things to pick up.” He gave the slightest tug against my grip. “You can handle it.”  
Against my better judgment, and the dread that was rising in my throat, I agreed. “Are you sure?”  
He waved his hand dismissively. “It’s not a big deal.”  
I let the credit card fall into my hand, knowing well that I would return it without spending a cent. By the time I looked up he was already disappearing into the flow of people, and my heart sank. I didn’t want to be out there by myself, especially considering how comfortable I had become around him. In the short few days since I’d arrived in Colorado, I hadn’t been alone in public a single time.  
“Damn it.” I muttered to myself, looking up at the people around me.  
Thinking more positively, the card that I’d slipped safely into my pocket gave me assurance that he wouldn’t abandon me. Why on earth he’d decided to trust me with it was beyond me. I thought back to my analogy, maybe I was an animal on the cusp of being euthanized. Why did my mind always have to be such a morbid place?  
I needed a distraction, he would come find me, and all I had to do was wait. The more feminine side of me, decided that the shoe store would make good use of my time. Unfortunately the only use it made was putting me in a sea of overpriced heels, and some absolutely hideous flats. All that I found of interest was the rack of postcards buy the sales counter. Why would they sell postcards in a shoe store?  
“You’re with Richard Trager, aren’t you?” A male voice inquired from somewhere behind me.  
I spun around to see the man at the cash register, leaning over the counter to get my attention. “What?”  
He pointed to the store window. “I saw you two walk by earlier today.”  
“What about it?” I asked a bit defensively, crossing my arms over my chest.  
“I wouldn’t be hanging around people like him if I were you.” He looked around to make sure no one was listening. “And I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.”  
To say I was speechless would be an understatement. For one, I couldn’t wrap my head around why this person would pretend to care about my wellbeing, and for two, who the hell did he think he was talking to?  
The look on my face probably said enough. “I’m sorry, what?”  
“Him and Blaire, those two are bad news, everyone knows you stay away from Murkoff. Unless you wanna end up on the wrong end of a headline.”  
From the looks of this man he couldn’t have been much older than me, what authority did he have to blatantly tell me that I didn’t understand what I was doing?  
“I’ll keep around whoever I want, and if you could keep your mind on your own business, I’d appreciate it.” Keeping a quiet volume wasn’t exactly my priority, but I didn’t want to draw attention, leaving my voice at something like a low growl.  
“I’m just warning you, if he doesn’t hurt you, they will.” He turned back around to the shelf he’d been organizing behind him.  
With an eye roll and a tired groan, I too turned away, making my way back outside as quickly as possible. As if I hadn’t already been warned about the dangers of Murkoff, and ignoring them thus far had proved to be a pretty good decision on my part. My feet carried me swiftly back into the crowd, giving me a bit of relief in a comfortable distance from that guy. That is until I caught sight of another familiar face. From the corner of my eye, he stood out slightly from the crowd.  
Jeremy Blaire. There wasn’t a single fiber of my being that trusted that man, and any suspicion from him was nothing I wanted to be a part of. I turned in the other direction, rushing into the nearest set of double doors. Luckily, no one seemed to have noticed my odd behavior. Now all I had to do was blend back in.  
“Boo!”  
Heavy hands hit my shoulders. “What the hell?!”  
I spun around only to see Rick Trager standing behind me, the handles of a few bags hanging from his wrists, and an amused expression on his face.  
I breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re back.”  
His expression quickly shifted from amusement to that of concern. “Why? What happened?”  
“It’s nothing! I just, I thought I saw someone. It’s fine.” I lied.  
“Alright.” He grinned somewhat reluctantly. “Ready to head back?”  
“Yes.” I said thankfully, though by the tone of his voice, I could tell he had something up his sleeve.  
I stayed close by his side on the walk back to the car. I was not about to leave him again.  
“So, ya don’t like shopping, ya don’t like going out for dinner, and you’re obviously not a people person. What do you like?” He leaned against me in a joking manner.  
There it was, that side of him I’d been waiting so patiently for.  
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, not sure what kind of answer he was looking for.  
“Let me put it this way,” The hint of playfulness left his voice. “If you could do anything you wanted tonight, what would it be.”  
I didn’t like that, every red flag was waving diligently in front of my eyes, but I forced them down.  
I looked up at him, and that distinct obligation of honesty, drew the reply from my lips. “I’d stay with you.”  
His arm pulled me closer, placing my head on his shoulder. “I think that can be arranged.”  
I walked to my side of the car, ready to leave, when I heard his phone ring.  
“Hello?” He held up a finger, signifying that I needed to wait. “Hey Jer, how’s the day buddy?”  
I stared down at the door handle, trying to be patient. It couldn’t hurt me to listen in, could it?  
“Yeah, actually I wanted to...” He paused, looking at me over the car before turning to the side, his voice dropping to a loud whisper. “There’s been a change of plans.”  
A change of plans? Why didn’t he want me to hear that?  
“Listen to me, I told you I know what I’m doing, I’ve got everything under control!” The sudden rise I’m his volume, set a steady tempo of fear in my heart.  
Jeremy Blaire, he was talking to Jeremy Blaire.  
“I understand that, but he knows damn well we can’t keep this up!” He glanced up at me, a look in his eyes that I couldn’t exactly place, but there wasn’t a lick of malice in it.  
“Uh, Jer,” His hand moved to rest on his forehead, it almost appeared to be shaking. “Maybe there’s a better time to talk about this.”  
I looked away, a flood of undeserved guilt washing over me, I knew he didn’t want me listening.  
“Yeah, later... Tomorrow, just like I said.” He moved his hand down to pinch the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a moment. “Alright, bye.”  
The decision to speak or to remain silent was one that I struggled with. So many things where racing through my mind, I yelped when he slammed his phone down on the roof of the car.  
“Fuck!” He growled, pushing back his curls with his left hand.  
I had to say something. “Are you alright?”  
His eyes darted to find mine, as if he’d forgotten I was there. “I, yeah, I... Don’t worry about it, let’s just go.”  
Without complaint, I got into the car, what I’d seen just a few minutes before was the only thing I could think about. If Jeremy had called for a work related reasons, why wasn’t he at work? Did Trager know that? He sat down behind the wheel with a huff, staring down at the Audi emblem in it’s center.  
“Are sure you you’re alright? I don’t mean to intrude, it’s just-“  
He cut me off. “We’ve... It’s just some internal issues.”  
It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it, not with me at least. I hoped for his sake, that it wasn’t anything too serious.  
Ignoring my concerns, I kept my mouth shut. Maybe he needed time, and definitely space.  
“You know, you can leave.” He said, looking over at me with eyes that cut me to the core.  
I tried to mask my discomfort, I’d pretend I didn’t understand the implication. “I told you, if you want me to leave, just say so.”  
“That’s not what I’m saying.” His hands gripped the wheel tighter, like he was angry, angry or nervous. “In the case that something happens...”  
It had to be about Murkoff didn’t it?  
Was I really being warned about this for fourth time within a week, and this time from the man himself? “I understand that this is dangerous, okay?”  
His stern emotion remained eerily unchanged. “Maybe you should go back to Virginia.”  
“I left for a reason.” I said turning my attention to the window. “I don’t plan on going back.”  
I felt his eyes on me. Whatever that call was about had put him in a mood that I didn’t want to mess with. It was disappointing really, after the day had been going so well. I hoped with everything in me that this wasn’t how it had to end.  
“I’m sorry.” He whispered, making me toss my head in his direction.  
“Why?” I whispered too.  
He didn’t answer, he only moved his eyes back to the road with a nod, as if he’d just made some important decision. His body language told the same story.  
“Dinner tonight?” He asked, a hint of a grin returning to his face.  
The perfect change of subject.  
“It is a little late, but sure, I guess.” I replied, realizing it was already late into the afternoon.  
“We can always eat at home.” He offered, comfortably calm.  
What a relief. “That sounds great actually.”  
How smart he was, to always to know what I was feeling. Even if the weight of what had just happened still sat heavy on my heart, some deeper low lying part of me still felt the need to trust him. That was the feeling I’d been waiting for, and if he didn’t feel the same way then so be it.  
“Pasta?” He looked over at me with decently pleased expression.  
“Deal.” I cracked smile, something about his words bringing me a sense of joy.  
For a grown man, he really could be adorable when he wanted to. He brought light to the dreary mood like a bright bulb in a pitch black room, and suddenly the drive didn’t seem half as long.  
By the time we arrived back home, darkness was already setting in. Over the course of dinner I’d reasoned every sliver of foreboding thought from my headspace. I’d go to sleep that night fully willing to accept whatever fate came to me the next day, but of course, Rick had other plans.  
“So, what’d you think?” He asked, lifting my empty plate from the dining room table.  
“It was excellent, where’d you learn to cook like that?” I asked, thinking back to the first night, he must have made that too.  
He turned to give me a wink. “Mama’s recipe.”  
There were those knives again, piercing my heart straight through. Had there ever lived a person more perfect for me than him?  
After placing both of our plates in the dishwasher, he turned back to me again. “Uh tell ya what, why don’t you grab your coat?”  
“Why?” I tilted my head slightly to the side.  
“Well we don’t want you getting cold, do we?” He replied with a cunning smile.  
Though I couldn’t be sure what he had planned, I rose from my seat in the kitchen to go retrieve my coat.  
I felt his presence close behind me as I walked to the rack by the front door. He placed his arm over my shoulders with that special smile, guiding me out the door. I didn’t ask where we were going or why, and he seemed more interested in keeping it quiet anyway.  
Street after street, I counted the dim spaces of light that poured out from the street lights. Trying to play along with his little game, I kept my mouth shut until I lost track of where we were going, and my anxiety forced me to speak up.  
“Where are you taking me?” I asked, glancing around in a final effort to recognize my surroundings.  
“Don’t worry about it.” He replied, void of emotion.  
In my eyes the possibility of him planning something malicious against me, had gone down drastically that day, but I couldn’t shake that ever present discomfort.  
“Getting anxious over there?” He turned his eyes to me, his head still facing forward. “Patience is a virtue, ya know?”  
His accurate interpretation was undeniable, but I had to admit, the mystery was intriguing.  
“I’ve got all the patience in the world.” I huffed, leaning back in an effort to relax.  
Still as with most things, it stopped the moment I began to enjoy it, just off another Colorado back road.  
“And, here we are.” He announced, quick to open his door, ready to step out.  
I looked up at the warm glow of an old timey street lamp, illuminating the dormant trees. “Where am I?”  
From my range of view, I could make out dying purple buds on cold stunted bushes, and a narrow black asphalt path.  
“Well,” He stood up, resting his elbow on the roof of the car. “Away from everyone else.”  
I jumped out of the car, hurrying to reach him as he walked towards the path without me. Coming into full view, it was clear that the visible portion was part of a larger form.  
He turned back to look at me with an oddly soft smile, as I jogged forward to catch up with him. We walked in a calm silence until the discomfort evaporated, and I closed the gap between us.  
“Tell me something,” With his hands tucked into his pockets, he kept his eyes trained on the ground. “How’d this happen?”  
“What?” I asked, looking innocently into his downcast eyes.  
He sighed. “Nothing.”  
It was me then who had my eyes to the ground, I couldn’t bear to stare at him like that.  
“You mind if I talk to you about something?” He almost sounded reluctant, but I doubted the sincerity.  
I had to be encouraging, even through my own pain. “Go ahead.”  
“I uh, I’m not exactly the way they make me out to be. As demeaning as it may be.” There was hallow tint of shame in his voice.  
If he was about to open up to me, I sure as hell wasn’t ready for it.  
“Well, I don’t think it takes a genius to notice that.” I tried my damndest to sound reassuring.  
He laughed. “Ya know, you really remind me of someone.”  
The joy fell from his words at the end, like the last glow of a candlewick that had just been blown out.  
I needed him to say more. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”  
His head tilted back, and he squinted up at the stars. “I guess at this point they’ve got me in so deep it wouldn’t make a difference either way.”  
By ‘they’ I knew he meant Murkoff.  
“If I was a quitter, maybe then... Well never mind.” His words carried a certain weight like I’d never heard from him before.  
“Mr. Trager.” I said aloud, prompting him to look down at me, the look in his eyes told me to be careful what I said. “You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t tell a soul.”  
It was a simple few words that I’d managed to get out through my fear, but his eyes made my choice feel right.  
He laughed softly, clearing the tension in the air. “It’s funny, I used to dream of growing to be something I could be proud of.”  
“What do you mean?” I prodded, hoping to find out why he sounded so disappointed.  
With a shrug, he continued. “I remember when I was five I was gonna be the best doctor in the world. Reality hits ya like a train sometimes, huh?”  
Could that be it? Did he want me as just someone care for?  
“If it’s any consolation, I think you would have made a great doctor.” I kept my voice hushed. “You’re not a bad guy.”  
“Odd, feels like I’ve already told you this a dozen times.” His expression of contentment faded into something more guilty. “But you have no idea.”  
“I think I know enough to say that you’re not a bad person.” My mind traveled back to the plethora of warnings, the awful ways people had spoken about him.  
“Is that what you think?” He scoffed. “Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, sweetheart.”  
Instinct moved me away from him a few inches, threatened by his thundersome voice. “What do you-“  
“You don’t know the things I’ve done for them!” He was shouting now. “The things I’ve done for myself!”  
“I don’t care!” I screamed, matching my volume to his.  
We nearly froze.  
I hadn’t thought about the sentence before it left my mouth, but I didn’t regret a word. I’d figured that at least some amount of the rumored atrocities that took place at Mount Massive were true, but I didn’t expect him to be so forward with it. I doubted he’d have gotten through without taking part in a few of them, and of all the warnings I’d received to avoid Murkoff at all costs, I’d never wanted so badly to stay with him.  
It wasn’t as much the shock as it was the pain that brought me down. Knowing that somewhere, under the deep sea of fronts was a real man. A Richard Trager that I might never have the luxury of meeting.  
“You don’t have a clue the kind of shit I’ve seen.” He spoke, now calm as ever, low and steady. “... And done.”  
I crossed my arms over my chest, thinking my way into a mental corner. “It’s not fair.”  
He took a deep breath. “Most things aren’t.”  
Somewhere down the line he must have deemed me as trustworthy, or so I thought.  
“If you wanted to be a doctor so bad, then why didn’t you?” Again I pleaded for him to keep talking.  
“Daddy said it’d better if I didn’t.” He replied with an unsettling casualness.  
I almost couldn’t believe my ears. Did Rick Trager really just say daddy? Even worse was the fact that I couldn’t place the way it made me feel, sure it was cute in a way, but something about it sent chills up my spine.  
“But, I didn’t bring you out here to talk about me, now did I?” He sounded a bit more cheery.  
“I don’t mind.” I smiled, secretly hoping it would inspire him to tell me more.  
We stopped, leaning against an old metal rail that separated us from the steep embankment of a creek below. It was was hard to make out in the in the low light, but I could hear the faint sound of moving water. He stared off into the trees, probably thinking about something far more important than me.  
The chill of the cool air with felt good against skin, the beautiful smell of the coming winter was an added spoil.  
“You know-“ I slide closer to him. “I’ll be your patient if you want me to.”  
He grinned, rolling his eyes as he gave me a playful nudge. “Sure.”  
It felt so good to make him smile, even if it was only for a second.  
“So, uh,” He paused for a moment. “Why’d you leave?”  
“Leave what?” I knew, but I didn’t want to answer.  
“Virginia. You’re family.” He replied with a deadly flatness. “What’d they do to make you hate ‘em that much?”  
“I don’t hate them... I just, I needed to get away.” How could I convince him, when I wasn’t even sure myself?  
“Why is that?” He pushed.  
“Dad died when I was eight, and my mom was... A mess. A bitch. I lost my job, I lost my friends, and I don’t know my other family. Things just feel apart and I was sick of being treated like shit.” I regretted even saying it, a small laugh escaping my lips. “Fuck, I sound pathetic.”  
Tired of my vagueness, I assume, he asked again. “What really happened?”  
Bringing myself to words proved almost more difficult than it was worth. How the hell did he know so much about me?  
“I... I thought she was going to kill me. I was scared for my life...” So I ran to a lesser danger, what luck I’d have trying to explain that to him.  
“Your mother?” He asked calmly.  
I remembered the words she’d said to when I told that I wasn’t coming back. I remembered the hatred in her eyes, the fight she put up, and I had the scars to prove it.  
“I had nothing to lose.” I sighed, the only suitable response I could think of.  
“Must be nice.” He mutter wistfully.  
To have nothing to lose? An interesting thing to envy, I thought, but with his status and position it made all too much sense.  
“I get it, buddy.” He said putting his arm around me.  
An odd choice of words, definitely, but comforting ones nonetheless. Still, I felt we were over due for a change of subject.  
“Believe it or not, I always wanted to be a nurse growing up.” I laughed it off drearily, leaning against him.  
“Really?” He looked over at me with a smiling sense of interest. “Ya know, even the best doctors can’t get by without a good nurse by their side.”  
I smiled and rolled my eyes. “Is that a business proposition?”  
The feeling of his hands on my wrists caught me off guard, and without warning he flipped me to face him, pinning me against the rail.  
“What are you doing?” I asked, balling my hands into tight fists in my slight state of alarm.  
I felt the cold metal of the rusty railing against my lower back, knowing well that he was all too capable of pushing me over. My eyes locked onto his, the uncertainty causing my heartbeat to quicken. The thought that he may actually send me tumbling to the rocks and icy white water below was terrifying, but one that I couldn’t reason away.  
He stared me in the eyes, a dangerously blank expression on his face. “Do you trust me?”  
Did I? Was that why I wasn’t all that afraid?  
“Yes. Of course I do.” I almost felt, well, safe.  
A slow smile spread across his face, low laughter soon to follow. I didn’t say a word, figuring expression would speak for me, and thankfully it did. His eyes softened, and he gently released my hands, my arms immediately latching onto his waist. I wasn’t sure why I did it, and he didn’t hug me back, but that part wasn’t important.  
“What the hell was that?” I let go of him, my heart rate finally slowing to a normal pace.  
He ignored my concern. “You remember, this morning, Jer called?”  
I shook my head in bewilderment. “What do you mean?”  
“He said he was worried about me and believe me,” He chuckled. “He’s not worried, but they... We don’t say things like that unless...”  
It felt like he was talking to someone who wasn’t me. Like he’d expected to see a different face staring back at him when he looked up. His eyes met mine and he turned away.  
“Unless what?” I asked, looking up at him in confusion.  
“Hell,” He ran a hand through his hair. “I shouldn’t even be telling you this.”  
Whatever had changed within the past few minutes, it definitely wasn’t good. I’d never imagine he’d act so erratic. Had I made a poor judgment?  
“Fuck,” He moved forward, putting his head into his hands, his elbows leaning back against the metal of the rail. “What am I doing?”  
I had to fix this.  
“It’s okay... You know?” I offered a delicate hand on his shoulder.  
“What?” He raised head, if only slightly.  
“To talk to me.” If there was something else I could have said, I’ll never know what it was.  
“We should head back...” He pulled back his sleeve, checking the time on his expensive watch. “I don’t wanna be out here all night.”  
“Right...” I followed as he led the way back from the direction we’d started, setting my feelings on the wayside.  
There was so much pestering hellishness to think about. Jeremy Blaire, Murkoff, Rick’s out of the blue shifting mood swings, and the night before... The parking lot, something felt so wrong about the whole endeavor.  
“Mr. Trager, last night...” I paused briefly, keeping an eye on his reaction. “The parking lot. That was about Murkoff, wasn’t it?”  
Somehow he sounded troubled as he replied. “You don’t need to worry about that.”  
Of course he’d say something like that. Of course I had to put myself in this corner, stuck between proving wrong those who had warned me, and the possibility of a very real danger that awaited me at Mount Massive.  
“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders.” He placed a hand on my back, soothing my rampant mind.  
What a perfect chance to lighten the mood.  
“Good head can only get you so far.” I smirked, waiting for him to catch on.  
“Depends on the recipient.” He chuckled jokingly.  
“Got me pretty far with you.” I taunted in a singsong manner.  
He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Maybe we’ll see how far it gets me later tonight.”  
“I’m listening.”  
He looked down at me with a smirk. “And don’t think I’m not willing to test that patience you’re so proud of.”  
I smiled. “I would never.”  
What a night it had shaped up to be. Confusing, insightful, and yet at the bottom line.... Enjoyable.  
A gentle breeze hit me, reminding me of where I was, of how lucky I was. Was I crazy? To think of myself as lucky?  
The light glow of the street lamps made clear the ghostly shadows of the trees around us. I took a deep breath, inhaling the clean night air. How lovely it all was.  
“So, this is more your style, huh?” He asked, breaking the silence.  
“I love it.” I uttered softly.  
We didn’t speak much after that until we got back to the car, and even if the silent moments were some of my favorites, my pesky brain begged for more conversation.  
“So,” I leaned closer to him across the center console. “What do you have planned for the rest of the night?”  
“More than enough.” He said almost to himself, with a prideful smirk.  
I couldn’t help but smirk myself.  
“In fact, I almost wish I didn’t have work tomorrow.” His fingers tapped at the steering wheel.  
It was strange to me how I could almost tell what he was thinking. Maybe I was learning from him.  
I had a comeback of my own. “What’s wrong? Don’t like mixing business and pleasure?”  
He eyed me with a mischievous grin, obviously being a long term fan of the fore mentioned subject. “Patience.”  
It didn’t take long for us to get back to his house, and despite everything, I couldn’t have been happier. I’d already made my decision, and I saw nothing wrong with making the most of it.  
“So, what’s it gonna be, doll?” He asked, taking slow backwards steps to the living room.  
I put a hand on my chin, as if I was thinking. “How about one of everything?”  
“You sure you can handle that?” He purred as I neared him.  
"Is that to much to ask?" I mocked in a baby voice.  
"Don’t be ridiculous." He said grabbing my waist.  
A small yelp escaped my mouth as he pulled me down onto the couch. One of his fingers hooked under my chin, holding my head up.  
"You’ve been waiting for this, haven’t you?" He asked softly.  
"Mhm." I held my cheek up to his hand, cherishing the feeling.  
His hand stroked my face, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I smiled. He hovered over me, putting his mouth close to my ear.  
"What a good girl." He whispered.  
His body finally made contact with mine as he bit at the my ear. Not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to draw a noise from me. He laughed, and I wrapped my legs around his waist keeping him in place.  
"What do you think you're doing?" He asked jokingly, staring me dead in the eyes.  
"I can’t let you have all the fun, can I?" I pulled myself close to his face with my arms around his neck.  
"Let me help you with that." He said swiftly standing up, my legs still locked around him.  
I nearly screamed, holding on to his neck as I laughed at my own reaction.  
"I wouldn’t let you fall." He sneered, holding onto me as he walked towards the stairs.  
"I know." I held on to him tighter, closing my eyes while he climbed the staircase.  
He pushed open the door to his room with his back, turning around to lightly toss me onto the bed.  
"Now it's my turn." He said pinning me down. He leaned down to whisper in my ear. "It’s really my turn."  
My face grew hot, and I grinned bashfully at him. "Show me."  
He laughed in that beautiful low tone that I loved, oh so much. "I will."  
His hands moved to my chest, popping the buttons on my shirt with a rough tug. He ran his hands down my body, leaning down to kiss my collarbone. He gripped my rib cage just below my breasts and pulled my body up, trailing down my stomach with his mouth.  
He stopped when he got to the top button on my pants. "Well, aren’t you quiet?"  
He unbuttoned my pants, pulling them down to my knees with a bit of well appreciated force. Nudging my legs apart, he moved his mouth from my stomach down stopping just below the line of my hips.  
"May I?" He asked with a voice that made me shiver.  
My heart skipped. “Please.”  
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~  
Struggling to hold himself up, he gave in, laying himself on the bed next to me. I turned to face him, admiring the look on his face.  
He gave me a faint smile. "Such a pretty little pet."  
I blushed at the name.  
"What do you think?" He asked putting a warm arm around me.  
"I think you're pretty great." I replied dumbly.  
He laughed. "I'm glad."  
There was nowhere else I’d rather be, staring at the brief sincerity on his face.  
I felt his confessions from earlier that day, rushing back to me. Now was not the time, but I couldn’t stop thinking about, well, him. About how much better he deserved. I didn't like it. I’d tried to force it back for as long as I could, but...  
"You alright?" He asked, commenting on the way I was staring at him.  
"I- Mr. Trager..." I wanted to tell him how much he deserved, how much I really cared, but I choked on the words.  
He looked me in the eyes, his gaze was comforting, but I still felt sadness rising in back of my throat. No, not now! I didn't want to cry, but despite my best efforts I felt a tear slide down my cheek, landing on the pillow. I couldn't help it, he didn't deserve what had been forced on him. He didn't deserve to be the bad guy.  
I looked at his eyes, his sympathetic smile, as he tilted his head to the side in confusion. I broke. Staring into his bright brown eyes, a painful smile on my face, as the tears streamed down my cheeks.  
"Hey hey, it's alright buddy." He lifted me slightly, and wrapped his arms around my body, holding my head close against his chest. "What is it?"  
Those words he spoke, they rolled off his tongue far to easily. Words meant different ears than mine, yet the effect remained the same.  
"I- I'm sorry!" I stuttered leaning against him.  
"What do have to be sorry about?" His voice was smooth and calming, as he began rocking me slightly.  
"You- it's not fair!" It felt like his arms were the only thing holding me in this world.  
Why, of all people, did I have to be the way I was?  
"Shh shh." He stroked my hair softly. "You don't need to worry about me."  
"I'm sorry." I repeated, unable to say anything else.  
"Don't be.” He whispered, the most gentle thing he’d ever said to me.  
It hurt me more than anything.  
"God, I hate it." I swallowed, trying my best to make those few tears the last ones.  
"You hate what?" He asked, rubbing circles on my back.  
"The way things have to change." I held my eyes shut.  
I didn't want to think about it too much, or I'd start crying again.  
"I know." His tone told me that he understood exactly what I meant.  
His hand on my shoulder calmed me, and my eyes felt heavy.  
“There ya go.” He eased me back onto the bed, continuing his odd delicacy.  
With the warmth of his body still so close to mine, and his arm draped over my waist, there wasn’t much left for me to fear. I was tired.  
"Goodnight, Mr. Trager." I sniffed drowsily.  
"Goodnight, blue eyes." He whispered, hardly loud enough to heard.  
I ignored his slip up.  
I had never wanted to be there for someone as much as I wanted to be there for him, and I wished with all my heart that I would be able to follow through.  
I’d be there. Forever more than willing to lap up the sugar sweet lies that dripped from his tongue like molasses.  
Goodnight, to my everything.


	5. Remove the Mask

My eyes burned like fire, only worsening my headache, induced by the raging buzz of an alarm clock in my ear.  
“Don’t worry.” I heard Trager groan, feeling him rise from the bed. “We’ve got time.”  
He sounded so casual, it was hard for me to believe he’d only just woken up.  
“Alright alright.” I sighed, lifting myself up tiredly.  
The nausea of being abruptly torn from sleep was already weighing on me.  
I showered, dressed, and weakly drug my groggy body downstairs.  
We were out the door in less than an hour, making the short walk from his doorstep out to the car.  
He stopped to look at his watch, standing in the partially opened car door. “Well, there’s no harm in being early, I suppose.”  
I wasn’t sure what time it was, nor did I care. My main focus for that moment was trying to read that blank expression on his face. This morning in particular he’d been more distant than ever, and that didn’t exactly bode well for my fate.  
“You need to be careful, you don’t have security clearance...” He paused to think, leaning with his arm against the door panel. “I should be able to get you in and out without a problem, just... Be cautious.”  
In and out? Something in me didn’t like the sound of that. “I will.”  
Neither of us dared to break the silence for the majority of the drive, and I’ll admit I was almost relieved to see that tall cold brick structure and the old metal sign that stood in front of his parking space.  
‘Reserved Parking Rick Trager’  
“Wait here.” He instructed, in his most bold and flat tone of voice.  
I had no problem with his request, simply slouching back onto the seat, fatigued from the early rising. My hands were shaking, I was nervous. Of course there wasn’t much I could do about it, other than hope and pray that things would turn out for the best.  
A knock on my passenger side window was close to forcing my heart out of my chest. Trager.  
He motioned for me to follow him, mouthing the words, “Come on.”  
We were parked in the same spot as always, obviously, yet I noticed as he was leading me that we were headed in a different direction. This definitely was not the way to his office. He led me up to the building, to the flight of stairs that seemed completely invisible from a distant. As one neared the structure it was clear that they burrowed into the earth, a single pair of double doors waiting at the bottom.  
Whatever it was that had been bothering him for the past few days, it certainly hadn’t gone away.  
He looked at me for moment that seemed to last forever, a troubled look in his eyes, and a determined stoic expression on his face. “You should wait out here.”  
I hesitated to speak, terrified I might say the wrong things, that I would say something that could have awful repercussions. “Why?”  
“Because I,” He paused, to draw a single keycard from his pocket, but it also provided him time to think. “We don’t want anyone to see you, do we?”  
“Right.” I nodded slowly, taking a step back.  
Whether he truly didn’t want me to be seen or he was preventing me from seeing something else, I couldn’t be sure, but I wasn’t in the mood for taking chances. Not in a place like this.  
“I shouldn’t be long, alright?” He flashed an unconvincing plastic smile, and disappeared behind those rusty steel doors.  
The scent of stale rotten air hit my nose as the door locked itself behind him, and I nearly gagged. That smell, it was morbidly reminiscent, like black mold mixed with bloody roadkill. I turned away, hoping to get a breath of fresh air. What the hell kind of hospital could produce a rancid smell like that? I took a seat on the bottom stair, wrapped my arms around my cold body, and waited. There weren’t many things that pleased the eye around this place.  
In my shivering boredom I noticed something odd, there were no cameras around this part of the asylum. No security guards, no security at all in fact, aside from the keycard reader. This seemed to be by far the least up-kept part of the hospital, what was possibly so important for him to do down here of all places? My brain was dissatisfied, this just didn’t add up.  
With the sound of an automatic unlock, one of the two doors swung open, my rather disturbed looking executive stepping outside.  
He looked down at me and cleared his throat, forcing on that fraud of a smile he so loved to wear. “Alright, we uh, we should get upstairs.”  
I hopped from my sitting position, more than happy to get away from that eerie part of the building. Especially to get away from the fresh waft of sickening air that followed him out. Strangely enough, he didn’t seem at all bothered by the odor. Maybe it was just my overactive imagination, but that didn’t make it any less unsettling.  
He didn’t look, nor touch, nor talk to me the entire walk to his office. I felt genuinely out of place, a foreign feeling for being so close to him.  
“Sit down, please.” His tone was authoritative, demanding, almost uncharacteristically so.  
“Is something wrong.” I asked meekly, my final attempt at breaking the wall he’d build around himself.  
With a bright and shiny hoax of a smile he replied simply, “Nothing at all.”  
He was lying, quite obviously too. I could see it in his eyes, in the tiny way that his bottom jaw quivered when he spoke. I thought back to the first day we’d met, and different the atmosphere felt now.  
The curtains were drawn, leaving only the dim ceiling light to illuminate the room. He’d gotten up at some point, locking his office door and checking the handle twice, no one was getting in on his watch.  
Something was very very wrong.  
My face stayed cast toward the floor, aside from periodic glances up at him. He stared at his computer screen, eyebrows furrowed, and a tight fist covering his mouth. His other hand tapped the dark glossy desk top with his forefinger.  
He was nervous, and if Rick Trager was nervous, then I had good reason to be petrified.  
“Listen I need you to...” He paused, looking around as if to gather his thoughts. “I need you to listen to me very carefully.”  
“Okay?” My will was just strong enough to keep my voice from shaking.  
He bushed his hair back, suddenly appearing exponentially more calm as he folded his hands on his desk. “If I tell you to do something while we’re here, you do it. You do not have time to hesitate. Understand?”  
My skin crawled thinking what he could have meant by that. “What do you mean?”  
Worried brown eyes stared at me with a look of verdict, and he quickly turned away. “You’ll get it.”  
Back to the computer his eyes went, as if he’d never spoken at all. Whatever it was that he had up his sleeve, I prayed that it held good intentions for me.  
I was watching him discreetly, wondering what he could be reading that had him so frustrated, when I heard click of the door knob turning. Then three loud, pronounced knocks.  
“Come on Rick, since when do you keep your door locked?” The muffled voice of Jeremy Blaire yelled from outside.  
Rick looked at me with a level of seriousness that was troubling to say the least.  
“Go now!” He mouthed, pointing to the narrow back hallway.  
I nodded, cautiously rising from my seat as he stood to let that snake of a man in. My heart felt like the beat of a thousand people marching, as I darted into the hall, hiding myself behind the doorframe. I closed the door gently behind me, fearful of drawing suspicion. That was the last thing we wanted.  
Through the single panel wood of the door, I could still faintly hear the two of them.  
“So, talk to me. It’s not here, where is it?” Jeremy’s words were the first I heard, putting my ear to cool wood.  
“I already told you, I’ve got this taken care of!” Rick spoke next, his voice calm and convincing. “When’s the last time I let ya down, Jer?”  
Jeremy sighed in annoyance. “You said this one would be perfect, what do you mean you’ve got it taken care of?”  
What would be perfect?  
“Listen, buddy, I know what I said, but the issue has been resolved. There’s more than enough subs to go around, you and me both know that.” Trager laughed.  
“That means you’ve got some catching up to do.” Blaire lowered his voice. “We’ve got three terminations just today. I’d get busy if I were you.”  
“Yeah yeah, I’ll take care of ‘em.” Rick replied, almost mockingly.  
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what ‘terminations’ were, or what ‘catching up’ was left for Mr. Trager to do, but what I was hearing made my blood run cold. Stuck indefinitely in a dark bland hallway, and nearly sick to my stomach from panic. What a wonderful situation. I’d gone and gotten myself cornered, like an animal in a wire trap, and there was no foreseeable escape.  
“Got the hard shit for Sunday?” Jeremy’s voice caught my attention.  
I heard Rick laugh. “Let me tell you, it’ll be worth the wait. I’ll see my guy later this week.”  
“You got anything right now?” Blaire asked.  
“You kiddin’? Don’t underestimate Ole Rick like that.” Trager’s words were followed by the sound of a drawer opening.  
I stopped listening for a bit, allowing myself to sink to the floor, sitting with my back against the light beige wall. It didn’t make much sense to me why I felt so threatened by that man, Jeremy Blaire. In a way, Trager was a lot like him, two corrupt business playboys. Yet, there was something deeply different in Jeremy. An instinct that drove me away from Blaire like the searing heat of a flame. While Rick shared many of the same traits I’d been warned to keep my distance from Jeremy because of, he carried a different energy. Richard Trager didn’t scared me, not the way Jeremy Blaire did. It’d take a blind man not to see the way he changed when Jeremy was around, the facade he put on for his boss. It burrowed into my bones, becoming something that pestered me to the core.  
With shaky hands, I pulled my knees up to my abdomen. A pounding headache was making my temples throb, and it only seemed to get worse the longer I sat and waited. It felt like hot spikes being driven through my skull.  
I could’ve sworn I’d waited an eternity until it finally sounded like they were finishing up their conversation.  
“Just another line won’t hurt.” Jeremy urged.  
“Can’t, I’ve got work downstairs, you know that.” Trager groaned in response, sounding genuinely disappointed.  
Jeremy sighed, I could hear the floor creak as he stood. “Right, you should tend to that. Wouldn’t wanna end up down there yourself.”  
“Don’t even fuckin talk like that.” Rick bushed him off, obviously treating the comment as a joke.  
I could hear Blaire open the main office door. “I’m gonna let this one go, but this isn’t just about us anymore, Rick. It’s for the good of the company.”  
“Yeah,” Trager paused. “See ya, buddy.”  
I leaned my head back against the cold pastor wall, closing my eyes with hope that it would help relief the pain in my temples. Shortly after, the door next to me slowly creaked open, and the sound of footsteps entered the hall. I opened my eyes, looking up at Rick with a weakness that I could almost feel in myself. He offered his hand to help me up, which I gladly excepted.  
“Need to talk to you.” His voice was as soft as it was emotionless, giving me a hint as to what I was about to go through.  
I couldn’t respond, the feeling in my chest reminding me of how it felt to get into trouble as a child, the dread of knowing something bad was coming your way.  
When I finally took my place across the desk from him, his dismay became very clear.  
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way,” He wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “But I think it might be for the best if you left.”  
Not again. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach just imagining going back.  
“What do you mean?” I asked mindlessly, my brain already tossing around possible ways to change his mind.  
He huffed, squeezing his folded hands together so tightly that his knuckles turned white. “Look, I’m in a really tight spot right now and if I don’t figure this out, things are going to end up very very bad for you.”  
I chewed at my bottom lip, just trying to comprehend what was happening. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to tell me!”  
“You don’t want to be a part of this!” He was sounding a hell of a lot more intimidating all of sudden. “Believe me, it will not end well.”  
“If that’s what you really want, then fine, but if you think for a second that someone like him is gonna scare me away, you’re wrong!” Why couldn’t he understand the fact that, for me, there was no turning back?  
“Go home.” His eyes met mine with a devastating intensity. “I don’t care how much you think you hate it, this place is worse by tenfold.”  
I faced the floor, shards of shame cutting up my insides. I was never one to seek pity, but that hurt.  
“You’re probably right, you know that?” I shook my head. “But, I’m not going back.”  
“I don’t think you understand what’s happening here, because if you did you’d be out the damn door right now!” He wanted to yell, I could tell by the bite in his voice, but he didn’t want to tip anyone off that I was still there.  
Times like these were when my bad habits started to show through, my born defensive nature. “She held a fucking gun to my head Rick, she stabbed me with a kitchen knife, and told me to get the hell out of her house if I wanted to see the next day. For fucks sake if you think I wouldn’t chose this in comparison, you’re wrong!”  
He grit his teeth, angry eyes slicing through me like blades with a hint of some harder to read emotion. “Listen to me, they will hurt you. I’ve seen it. You don’t know anything about this! You don’t know anything about me! About us.“  
“Maybe I am the problem! Maybe it’s my fault that I can’t hate people!” There I went again, making this about myself, but it was too late for me to stop the flood of passion spewing from my lips. “Hell, I can’t even say that I hate the woman that tried to kill me, but I don’t care! I just... I need you.”  
His expression softened a bit, eyes a bit wider, almost like he’d accepted something his had been stuck on. He opened his mouth to speak, but I couldn’t bear it without checking myself first, I wasn’t his responsibility.  
“No, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. This isn’t about me.” I put my face in my hands, the familiar sting of regret washing over me. “I’m sorry.”  
He sighed, I could sense his discomfort. “Look, I didn’t mean to...”  
I stood up, slowly walking towards the rear exit. Where I was going I didn’t know, but I had to escape the atmosphere my pathetic attitude had created. It hurt me to know that I’d made him feel anything less than normal.  
Halfway to the door, I turned to him, parallel with his office chair.  
“I don’t know why I want this so badly. I don’t know what it is, but when I look at you I see it. I feel it. And I’m sorry. You were right.” I said to a man I’d only met in person four days prior.  
From the corner of my peripheral, I saw him spin around to face me as I continued to the door.  
“Wait.” His plea came out as a whisper.  
My hand met the doorknob, and I heard the squeak of his chair as he rose to his feet.  
“Mira.” The tone of his voice halted me in my tracks. “I think you should stay with me.”  
My breathing shuddered, a cloudy glossiness filling my eyes. I turned and ran to him, throwing my arms around his body in the spur of my relief. Again just as the last time, he remained unfazed, repaying me with only a single hand pressed against the curve of my lower back. Every built up emotion drained from my nerves, like tap water down a sink pipe. For him to say that he wanted to keep me, it was a euphoria like I’d never felt.  
“God, I’ve got the worst headache.” I sighed against his chest.  
His hands on my shoulders pushed me away, and he brought one of his rough palms to my cheek, dragging my attention to his eyes. “I gotta get you outta here.”  
When I stared into his eyes like that, I knew that all the warnings were wrong, that I really had made the right decision. He took me by the hand, silently guiding me into the hallway and out the emergency exit, only stopping once we were outside.  
“I’ve got business downstairs, I need you to wait in the car for me, alright?” He said, placing the keys in my hand.  
“Are you sure?” I tried to find the least pushy way to let him know that I’d prefer to stay with him, especially after what we’d just been through.  
“Nobody’ll bother ya, don’t worry about it.” He waved a dismissive hand. “Just gimme an hour, sound like a deal?”  
He sure was quick to get back into his usual persona, a good talker, a flawless persuader. I nodded, accepting what had come to me. Being emotionally exhausted, the thought of some time by my self suddenly didn’t seem so awful anymore.  
When he turned in the opposite direction I assumed he expected me to walk to the car alone, not quite as painless of a task as it seemed, especially after being specifically instructed not to be seen. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right?  
I crossed my arms protectively over my chest, facing the asphalt as I walked. If anyone saw me, they’d think nothing of it. I could be an employee, someone’s wife, a reporter. No one would be able to tell simply by looking.  
Of course, I made it to his car without the misfortune of unwanted attention, grabbing hold of the ice cold door handle. Things would be much better once I got the heat going. The outside air here was far colder than the valley air I was used to, higher elevation, lower temperatures.  
I held my hands in front of the vents, trying to work out some of the numbness in my fingertips. Whatever was so important ‘downstairs’ that I couldn’t be exposed to it, I found it difficult to care after what had just happened. To think about those words he’d said.  
‘If I don’t figure this out, things are going to end up very very bad for you’.  
It made my teeth chatter, then again maybe that was just the cold, but either way I wasn’t enjoying it. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the cool black leather, silently waiting.  
Just one hour.  
I looked down at my left wrist, finding it bare. Damn, I really needed to get a watch again. With a sigh, I sunk down into the seat even further.  
Ten minutes. Then twenty. Then thirty.  
Somewhere along the line I’d stopped counting the seconds, drifting into a daydream, with my head against the window.  
The drivers door opened, letting in a bone chilling breeze. Had I really left them unlocked?  
“Geez, don’t have too much fun with out me.” Rick’s sarcastic sneer prompted me to look over at him.  
“Sorry.” I mumbled wearily, the best thing left for today would be a good nights rest on the brain.  
The cuff of his sleeve caught my attention as he reached for the shifter. A cluster of dark red specks, far too deep to be old stains. It was almost certainly fresh blood.  
“Mr. Trager!” I grabbed hold of his forearm, placing my thumb just above the stain.  
“Oh, what?” He whined, jerking his arm from my grip when he noticed what had brought on my outburst.  
He was being defensive, meaning that I needed to tone down my concern.  
“You’re bleeding.” I replied timidly. “That’s all.”  
He clasped a hand over the blemish on his cusp, hiding it away as he rolled up his sleeve. “That’s not blood.”  
Despite his dishonesty, I didn’t challenge him. The only flicker of unease in my heart was brought by his arm, which was left perfectly unscathed. Perhaps it was possible that he’d cut himself somewhere else on his body, it could have been a nosebleed. Based on the conversation between him and Blaire early, I wouldn’t be one to doubt that he was prone to nasal issues. Still, he hadn’t given me a very reasonable excuse. If that was the case wouldn’t he have just come right out and said it?  
“What are you gonna do if someone asks about me?” He was testing me.  
“I already thought about.” I admitted. “I’ll just say I’m staying with Anthony.”  
“Tony in Administrative?”  
I supposed I could trust him enough to say it now. “That’d be the one.”  
Anthony was one who had gotten me access to the office of executive Richard Trager in the first place. Part of me wondered how he would feel knowing what I’d done with his favor.  
The pain in my head began to fade away as we got back on the main road, Rick as per usual, doing a minimum of thirty over the speed limit. The engine growled louder, his foot forcing heavier on the pedal, and his eyes glaringly into the rear view mirror. My eyes moved to the passenger side mirror, an all too cautious attempt to see whatever it was that he saw, but I was interrupted by the jarring screech of the tires. I reached up to grab the handle above my head, which was the only leverage I had to keep me in place as the car slung around a sharp turn. With a harsh wrench on the wheel, he managed to get us perfectly straight, after a minor bit of fishtailing. The speedometer read seventy miles per hour from my crooked position in the passenger seat, and could feel my pulse in my neck, but nonetheless I trusted him.  
He checked the rear view one last time, before letting up on the gas. One more left turn placing us in an empty lot, or at least the remnants of what used to be a grocery store parking lot.  
The car stopped with a jolt, the key turning off in the ignition as he stared forward with a face of unmistakable thought. At least I finally had a chance to catch my breath.  
“I made a terrible decision.” He stared blankly out the windshield, his eyes lining up with the empty Colorado landscape in the distance.  
He breathed through his teeth, those blank eyes wide and distant. I couldn’t take much more of this. “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked woefully, letting go of the handle above my head to find my palm cramped.  
“I told him things I shouldn’t have ever said. What the fuck was I thinking?” He shook his head.  
I noticed his right arm resting on the center console, and placed my hand on his. His way of accepting the gesture was to flash me with those intelligent brown eyes, and giving a halfhearted smirk. At the very least, his body seemed to relax a bit, his eyes finally taking a moment to close.  
He sighed, still preoccupied with the war I could only imagine was going on inside his head. “It’s not gonna be the same.”  
I didn’t know what exactly he meant by that, but my ignorance wouldn’t stop me from trying to fix it. “Yes it will.”  
“For you maybe.” He looked down at my hand resting delicately over his. “It’s a mess, huh buddy?”  
“Maybe.” I was fixated on him, trying to find that words I was looking for, but they never came.  
He always looked so tired, especially the longer I looked at him. I couldn’t help but wonder how long he’d been working for Murkoff, dealing with this day after day for years. I’d have to ask him about that when I remembered.  
“Let’s go home.” I offered, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before I let go.  
“Good plan.” He turned the key again. “I could go for a drink anyway.”  
I didn’t ask about what he’d seen in the mirror that had urged him to react the way he did. I didn’t ask about Jeremy, or the blood on his sleeve, or his secretiveness. Those things could wait, I trusted him with my wellbeing enough to push them aside for now.  
He drove slower on the way back, his posture suggesting that he was a little less tense if anything. That meant that I was free to relax now too, to enjoy the tranquil silence while it lasted. I was thankful to be going home with him at all after today. The world outside became a distorted blur, streaks of neutral colors zooming passed the window, making a show to take up the remainder of the ride.  
When we arrived at the door it was just after six o’clock, which made it a terribly long day by my standards.  
I yawned, following him through the doorway. “You said something about a drink?”  
“Most certainly.” He groaned.  
Once he’d grabbed a fifth of expensive whiskey from the liquor cabinet, and sent me to fetch some ice, we found our way to the living room couch. I kicked my shoes aside, curling up in my rightful place beside him.  
He held up one of the crystal glasses, two whiskey drowned ice cubes sitting at the bottom, and offered it to me. “You were saying?”  
Normal I wasn’t much of a drinker, I never had been, but after a day like that I didn’t have the will to refuse.  
“Smooth?” I ask, bringing the glass to my lips.  
He tossed back his first shot like it was water. “Like silk.”  
I took a sip to see what I was in for. It definitely took the cake over anything else I’d ever tried, somehow perfectly smooth and strong at the same time.  
“Why in the world are you staying here?” He looked at me quizzically, a slight satisfaction in his voice.  
My thoughts spoke out loud. “I guess I’m just a little fucked in the head.”  
He laughed, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re not the only one.”  
In my short life, I’d never been around someone of his age that could get to the bottom of a liquor bottle that quickly. Yet, when intoxicated, there really wasn’t much of a change in his demeanor. Sure he liked to talk a bit more, and he seemed less uptight, but the difference was minuscule. Unless someone knew him well enough, it would be hard to even notice. Of course I noticed, but his minor attitude shift was nothing compared to the behavior I was accustomed to. Still, it was obvious that alcohol had been a source of support for him for quite a long time. He wanted the memory of today to fade into the blackness, but I didn’t. What he’d expected me to fear, had only pulled me closer to him, and I held that dearly. Being around him, to me, meant safety. Happiness. I’d never felt more protected. Because he’d decided to keep me.  
I had to remind him only twice that he had work the next day, and he wouldn’t want to have a hangover, but he only brushed it off. I figured he had more experience in that field than I ever would.  
He poured half of the meager alcoholic leftovers into his own glass, sliding the near empty bottle in my direction on the coffee-table. I grabbed it by the neck, swallowing the last skimpy shot straight from the bottle.  
He chuckled, giving me a heavy handed pat on the back.  
“It’s not bad at all.” I had a faint slur, but I was proud of myself for making it to the end with him.  
“What’d I tell ya?” He looked into the his now empty glass, at the tiny remaining pieces of ice.  
His eyes moved from there to the liquor cabinet in the corner, and I knew instantly what he was thinking. More alcohol wouldn’t be good for me, especially on an empty stomach, not that I was in any mood for solid food. If I was honest with myself, he didn’t seem all that up for another round either.  
In fact, he looked quite drowsy. “You wanna go grab me some more ice?”  
“Of course.” I answered softly.  
I gladly hopped up and wobbled to the kitchen, searching the cupboards for some kind of vessel to carry the ice. A plain white coffee mug would do just fine, I thought, the only problem arising when I made it to the refrigerator. There wasn’t a single cube of ice in the freezer, nor did the dispenser on the door produce any.  
“Fuckin’ hell!” I cursed to myself.  
Fancy appliances and special ice cube trays were far from my specialty, and I definitely didn’t want to mess anything up.  
“Mr. Trager, there’s no more ice, and I don’t know how to-“ Halfway back to the living room I paused, noticing that his eyes were closed. “Mr. Trager?”  
As I crept closer, it was clear that he’d fallen asleep, empty glass still in hand. I smiled, setting the unused mug on the coffee-table. Being as tired as I was, I couldn’t bear to wake him, instead opting to lay down next to him. I pulled my limbs in close to my body, my head on the warmth of his chest. With the calming sound of his heartbeat, and the alcohol in my system, it wasn’t long until I fell asleep too.  
It only felt like a few seconds before I felt him move beneath me. His arm gently slipped under my knees, the other around the back of my neck, and he carefully lifted me from the couch. I remained still, my eyes closed as if I was still asleep, allowing him to believe he’d manage to pick me up with waking me.  
“What the fuck did I get you into, huh?” He asked in a hushed whisper.  
The soft thuds of his footsteps told me that he was climbing the staircase, and not long after, opening the bedroom door. He laid me down softly on the bed, joining me without even taking that time to undress. I felt him pull the covers over the both of us, and soon enough his arm pulled me closer.  
Thankfully, it wasn’t hard for me to let that roller coaster of a day lull into the background, falling back into my dream land under the simple comfort of his presence.


	6. That Side

I was dreaming, I had to be, there was no other logical explanation for the things I was feeling. The room around me was oppressively dark, almost blindingly so, but not quite completely black. The air was void of all sound aside from a low pitched mechanical hum, making the atmosphere eerily uncomfortable. Like the vague unplaceable purr of an engine somewhere in my vicinity. Burning white florescent lights flickered on above me, singeing bars of discoloration into my eyes as they illuminated the dreary space. I blinked away the moment of searing pain, my eyes beginning to adjust to the brightness, when a strangle sound caught my attention. To the left of me there was something else now, something that was making a nauseating cracking noise, something that was dripping like a leaky faucet. The kind of ambiance that one might expect from a horror movie, moments before the jump scare. Slowly, I turned my head to look, my eyes jarred by stark blue curtains. They seemed to be enclosing the entire area of interest in large rectangle, blocking me from seeking the source of the sound on all sides. Dingy blue fabric curtains, they had to be hospital curtains.  
Down at my bare feet I could feel something much warmer, wetter than the cool smooth flooring. It was blood. A deep dark crimson liquid that contrasted the old, faded white and green tiles. It flowed from beneath the curtains like a small river, an impossible amount of it pooling around my feet, as it seeped into an open floor drain. I stared down into the puddle that covered my toes, mindlessly, emotionlessly undisturbed by the gore.  
“Two down, one to go.” A familiar voice echoed from the infinite unseen walls of this place.  
A dark figure parted the curtains, stepping forward with a trail of dark red footprints, a figure that I knew. It was Trager that stood before me, a pair of sharp nosed scissors in one of his bloody, latex clad hands. The blood stained his sleeves...  
“What’s the matter, doll?” He pulled the surgeon’s mask from his face with a blood drenched hand. “Somebody scare ya?”  
No, I wasn’t afraid. Was I? I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him something important, but no words would come out. The brightness was growing, consuming the dungeon like room in a soft white fizz.  
I opened my eyes. A ray of light that was gleaming through the bedroom window, warmed my face. My head rested on a clean, champagne colored pillow, in a room that was doused with a comfortable nature light. I was still safely tucked into bed. There was no blood, no obnoxious mechanical whirring, but something else was missing too. There was no Rick.  
The glowing red numbers of the alarm clock read two eleven, meaning he had long since left for work without me. I let my body collapse back onto the pillows, eyes pointing blankly at the ceiling. My mind drifted back to the dream I’d just awoken from. Could it really be called a dream? It better fit the description of a nightmare, I thought. Perhaps it was for the best that I’d woken up alone. What would someone like Rick think if he discovered that he had played a center role in a nightmare of mine? Would he assume that I was afraid of him? I squeezed my eyes shut, fragments of the imaginary gore bobbing at the top of my subconscious. It wasn’t Trager, in that nightmare, that had placed such a fear in my heart. Something else had been present, something darker. That machine like hum haunted my brain.  
I swung my legs off the side of the bed, pressing my feet against the luxurious hardwood, a final assurance that I was indeed in the real world. Everything felt filthy, either from having slept in the days clothes, or from the wretched feeling of nonexistent blood on my skin. Regardless of the cause, I needed a shower, to wash away any lingering unpleasant thoughts. That would be enough.  
When I finished, I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, a damp towel wrapped around my naked body. Lucky as I was, severe hangovers had never been much of a problem for me, but I would much rather blame my headache on a night of heavy drinking than accept the alterer cause. Bad dreams didn’t cause physical pain, it simply didn’t happen.  
I forced myself to ignore it, instead coming to realization that I was absolutely starving. We’d hardly even eaten breakfast the day before, and though I doubted my ability to stomach anything, I knew that I needed to try. Surely there would be something worth while downstairs. With a deep breath, I carried myself on weak feet, to slip on some kind of clothing. A thin, satiny black robe was more than enough for me.  
I tiptoed my bare feet down the stairs, a cold loneliness awaiting me at the landing. Saudade, the feeling of longing. When was it that I had learned that word? It was so overwhelmingly quiet, calm, and lonely without him there. As walked, slowly to the kitchen, that feeling truly set in. The honest truth was that I missed him, and dearly so. For every second that he was gone, I felt that longing for his presence, I was beginning to need him.  
Surely he’d be pleased if he came home to fresh food, kill two birds with one stone so to speak. It’d be an easy way for me to sneak onto his good side. My culinary skills were certainly nothing to be proud of, but I had was confident that I could pull something together.  
Maybe pasta? That was within my range of capabilities, and I knew without a doubt that he had everything I needed. Looking around his kitchen, I quickly discovered that he was in severe need of a shopping trip. That could pose a challenge.  
I searched though cupboards, and drawers, and every refrigerator compartment until I’d collected the items that I needed. With everything laid out neatly on the counter, I took a few pots and pans from the rack above the kitchen island, and got to work.  
If today was anything like the usual, he would leave Mount Massive at five o’clock sharp, and get home around five thirty depending on traffic. That gave me an hour or two at the very least, I could manage with that. Patience was a simple thing, boil the water, prepare the ingredients.  
By the time five finally rolled around, I was nearly done. Two white ceramic plates sat side by side, only two pots left unwashed on the stovetop, one of sauce and the other of pasta. All that was missing now was my company, my Trager. Waiting would the easy part, or so I thought.  
With a sigh, took a seat on one of the barstools that surrounded the island, and propped my head up on one hand.  
Six days. Not even a full week had gone by since I’d first set foot in his office, and I’d already allowed myself to sink this deep. I wasn’t the one with the power to decide whether this was a mistake or a great achievement, only time could tell that far. Time was such a ruthless thing.  
“Well, look at you.” The sound of Rick’s voice brought a smile to my face. “Tryin’ to turn into a wife on me?”  
I couldn’t help myself in wondering how long he’d stood there, I hadn’t even heard him come inside.  
“Welcome back.” I turned to look at him, speaking softly. “Good day?”  
My eyes caught a glimpse of his sleeves, clean and bloodless. I shouldn’t have felt the need to check that, I shouldn’t have needed to question him.  
“Decent enough.” He took a few short steps closer to me. “I take it you’ve been busy in here, hm?”  
“Just uh,” I paused to read the wall clock that hung to my right, five thirty six. “Dinner?”  
“Ain’t that sweet?” His ruffled my hair, frizzing up the top of my head.  
Instinctively, I cowered my neck to escape him, swatting his arm away. “Well don’t let it get cold!”  
“On a hot stove?” He raised an eyebrow at me, that smartass.  
“It could...” I mumbled, combing fingers through my hair that he’d made a mess of.  
He laughed, looking down at me with a surprisingly genuine smile. Such a small detail to have such a strong effect on me, it struck me in a way that I couldn’t have possibly understood at the time. Like a dagger penetrating my soul, it was a pain, but a meaningful one.  
“You didn’t even leave a mess...” He said with one hand on his hip, inspecting the spotless counter area. “I’d almost say I’m impressed.”  
I rolled my eyes, although I knew that was a compliment when coming from him.  
“You’re too kind.” I huffed sarcastically.  
He wore a smug grin. “We should eat, wouldn’t want it to get cold, would we?”  
I looked away with an exaggerated groan, crossing my arms like an insulted child.  
“Hey now,” His hand lifted my chin. “Don’t be a downer.”  
I tried, I really gave all that I had, but I couldn’t stop my own grin.  
From behind me I grabbed one of the plates, and pressed it to his chest. “Help yourself.”  
He took the ware from my hands, waving me to the side while he made plate for each of us. For someone of his personality, he was vastly more hospitable than I’d ever imagined. Not that I minded his help, but I was slightly disappointed that the effort wasn’t solely my own. Turning back around, he was gracious enough to hand the dishes off to me, to be carried to the bar. I’d found that he rarely ate at the dining room table, but saw no value in questioning him about it.  
My sight was fixated on the red colored sauce that sat before me. It wasn’t blood, I knew that, but then why did my brain see it as such?  
A hand waved in front of my face, breaking me free from those intrusive thoughts. “Hello? Somethin’ wrong?” He asked.  
“No, I...” I shook my head, twirling some of the pasta around my fork. “I’m fine.”  
“You’re not a half bad cook, ya know that?” He stared at me, awaiting my response as if he were testing me.  
“Thanks.” I replied plainly, bring the forkful to my mouth.  
I hoped that I’d be able to stomach the stuff, and thankfully, once it touched my tongue the mind trickery evaporated. I was saved yet again.  
Rick seemed to be in an outwardly pleasant mood that lifted my spirits greatly, though the heaviness in my chest wouldn’t let express it. Those emotions must have carried over from the day before, or perhaps even my dreams. That combined with the ever growing soft spot my heart held for him. It was like a bruise, one that would leave a nasty scar if broken, and hurt like hell in the process. That was why I chose to eat mostly in silence.  
“I was hoping to take you out, but, I suppose you had other plans?” He motioned to my slimy clothed body.  
In all honesty, I hadn’t seen a reason to get dressed up, but I played it off nonetheless. “Well, it was just a thought.”  
He laughed. “Now, I’m not one to let a good opportunity go to waste, but maybe you could hold on to that thought?” Pulling his keys from his pocket, he jingled them from his index finger.  
“I’ll go get dressed.” I sighed, standing to make my way upstairs.  
“Unless you were planning on going out like that, I mean, you know I wouldn’t mind.” He called to me sarcastically.  
“Ha ha.” I mocked in return, a childish giggle to follow, that I hoped he didn’t hear.  
Exactly where he wanted to take me wasn’t important, I was appreciative just to be spending time with him, to be near him. If I was a smarter person, I’d have asked him where we were headed before choosing what to wear, but it was too late for that now. I picked out a black polo neck sweater, dark jeans, and some brown leather boots. An outfit that would be flexible enough to fit in, regardless of our destination. It didn’t take me more than ten minutes, before I was racing back downstairs.  
“All set?” His voice carried from down the hall, the moment my feet touched the first floor.  
I looked down, giving my body a quick once over, everything seemed to be in order. “Yeah, I think so...”  
He stepped out from the archway that led to the living room, where I assumed he’d been waiting for me. I watched, hands clasped in front of me, as he opened the front door.  
“Ladies first.” His arm motioned to the doorway, a cool breeze blowing trough from outside.  
Compliantly, I walked across the threshold, and waited for him to join me just a few steps outside. With the door locked behind us, his arm fell to it’s usual place around my shoulders, guiding me down the front steps. It was such a lovely December afternoon. A brisk temperature, not overwhelmingly cold, under a clean white sky. The perfect conditions to curl up under a thick blanket with a hot cup of strong coffee, I’d have to keep that on my to-do list for a later date.  
“So, where to?” I asked, breaking away from him to walk to the passenger side of the car.  
“Well, I was just thinking, there’s a few things I should get ya.” He paused his words to get into the car. “Because I need you to go somewhere with me.”  
A vague unease was rising in me at the wonder of what ‘somewhere’ was in his mind. “What are you talking about?”  
“Ah, don’t be intimidated.” He laughed, again, somehow predicting exactly how I felt. “It’s just my sister.”  
“Oh...” I bit my tongue, unsure if that fact should change how I felt. “Can I ask why?”  
He leaned back into a sigh, body language that told me he wasn’t particularly thrilled either. “She invites me every year around Christmas. I’ve uh, I’ve never gone, but...”  
“Well, why not?” I asked timidly.  
“Er, I’ve got better things to do, you know how it is. I just thought maybe if I took you, she’d get off my ass.” He stopped briefly, mumbling under his breath, “About last time.”  
Last time? That didn’t sound right, at least to me it didn’t. The way he’d spoken those last few words, it didn’t sit well with me. As if I was feeling emotions that weren’t my own.  
We were in dire need of a change in subject. “Mr. Trager, I’m only twenty years old. Won’t that just make things worse? Like overly awkward and uncomfortable?”  
“Oh please, like you look twenty.” He sneered, glancing over at me. “Don’t worry about it.”  
“If you say so.” I said half to myself, relinquishing all of my doubts to him, this was his responsibility.  
He’d asked me not to worry, and the least I could do was try. Even if it was more so for him, than for myself. The last thing I ever wanted was to let him down.  
My eyes moved slowly to him, studying his focused countenance. “What exactly are we doing now, then?”  
“You’ll need something to wear, won’t you?” He gave me a harsh eyed grin, as if I was supposed to have guessed that part on my own. “Something that’s not business casual, or uh, fuckwear?”  
“Fuckwear?” I repeated with a bit of a chuckle.  
“Don’t pretend ya don’t know what I mean.” He stared at me, awaiting my reaction with a twitchy half smile.  
I shook my head, fighting off a laugh. It shouldn’t have been that funny.  
Upon our long awaited arrival, the look of the place concerned me. It was far too fancy for my tastes. Of course he held tight to his decision, most anything of his was above my standards by plenty.  
“Try to find something modest.” He leaned down closer to my ear as we walked towards the entrance. “Something a church lady would approve of.”  
I scoffed. Had I really left that kind of impression on him? Personally, I’d have never thought there was anything wrong with the way I dressed, and I had doubts that any avid church goer would either.  
“I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” I replied, crossing my arms defensively.  
“Aw, come on buddy,” He gave me a jab to the ribs with his elbow. “I’m just jokin’ with ya.”  
I couldn’t keep myself from smirking, it was difficult for me to even pretend that I was upset with him. “I know.”  
A part of me wondered what he would think if he knew who I used to be, how he would feel if he knew that he was my exception, that he was what drove me to be different. I was growing quite fond of the person that sprang up from inside me when I was around him, and for me, that was a rarity. It was a shiny new feeling, one that left a glowing warmth in my heart.  
Those feelings on the wayside, shopping had never been something that particularly interested me. Not to mention, the sheer ambiance of a place like this one made me feel dramatically inferior. I simply wasn’t good enough, too cheap, too normal.  
The walls were lined with shelves and racks of expensive apparel, elegant hangers and hardwood, it even smelled nice. All of these things, to the average person, were normal. Moderately upper class at the highest. To me however, it was a luxury that I didn’t deserve, especially from him.  
All of those points taken into account, I was reluctant, almost afraid to cast my eyes on something. This was much too far out of my comfort zone. Rick’s patience was wearing thin, I could sense it. He tried to be tolerant, for credit where it’s due, but even Richard Trager had his breaking point.  
“Don’t be so shy.” His arm snaked around my waist, tugging me further into the maze of merchandise.  
With a quick glance over my body, he went to work thumbing through articles of clothing on his own.  
“What are you doing?” I asked, curious after the third time he’d looked me up and down.  
“Pants zero to one. Shirts small, uh, maybe medium?” He turned his attention to my face with a self-satisfied smirk.  
My eyes grew wide with either shock or amazement, possibly a combination of the two. “That is insane, how?!”  
“I’ve been around.” He said proudly. “Ya pick up a thing or two.”  
My thoughts drifted to the query of how many women had been in these exact shoes before me, but that was an area of grey that I preferred to avoid. Predecessors didn’t matter, I had him in the present.  
“Let me see...” He muttered to himself, one hand thoughtfully on his chin.  
Sometimes I wondered if he knew how interesting he was to me, if he did it on purpose.  
He made everything seem so easy, a collection options draped over his right arm in a matter of minutes. “Pick ‘er choose, babe.”  
Fighting back a groan, I took the stack from his arms, this was my part in the team effort. I had to admit, sifting through the choices, that his tastes weren’t all that bad. Mainly neutral, and preferably dark colors of grays, blacks, and browns.  
My decision was an easy one. A light sweater, pants, a coat, and even a matching pair of shoes by the end of it. I supposed that if I had his kind of money, I’d have a knack for blowing it too, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like a charity case. It wasn’t the greatest of emotions.  
“When is this little family reunion, anyway?” I asked, inching closer to him as we walked outside.  
“Saturday.” He answered with a resentful sigh. “And just remember, if she asks, you’re twenty six.”  
As if six years would make all that much of a difference.  
“You really think I could pass for for twenty six?” I looked up at him skeptically.  
He only laughed. “There’s a lot of things you could pass for, sweetheart, trust me.”  
What he was referring to, I couldn’t care less, instead I accepted it as a compliment without a second thought.  
“Alright then.” I breathed, trying not to focus on the abyss of negativity.  
I would get the chance to meet his sister, maybe learn more about him in the process, that would be enjoyable. At least I hoped it would be, and even while I knew he was only doing it for his own gain, it made me feel important again. I’d missed that feeling.  
He remained fairly quiet once we’d gotten into the car, something that I found to be both relaxing and unsettling. When Rick was quiet it meant he was thinking, and being a man as clever as he was, that could spell trouble for me. My eyes steadily shifted over to him, an anxious intuition pleading for me to look.  
I froze, staring on in confusion and fear. Streaks, splatters, and droplets of blood littered his sleeves up to the shoulders. It was fresh. Wet patches of deep dark red, that he didn’t seem to notice. They were so real, I knew they had to be there, my hand reaching out mindlessly to grab his arm.  
“What?” He turned to me, his eyes growing fearful when they met mine.  
Had he finally noticed it now? I felt my seatbelt dig into my shoulder, as the car came to a jarring halt.  
He grabbed my face, forcing me to stare up at him while he studied me with frantic eyes. “What did you see?!”  
I blinked, there was a split second change within my mind, like someone had flipped a switch. His sleeves were clean, unstained and pristine. How was that possible?  
“It’s not...” I looked him the face, somehow he knew what was happening, but I couldn’t bring the words to my tongue. “I thought I saw something... It, it was nothing.”  
“Don’t lie to me, blue eyes.” His hand brushed my hair back from my eyes, the other supporting my chin. “Not again.”  
“B-blue eyes?” Those were the only two words I managed stumble out.  
He withdrew his hands, and looked away, an unreadable expression on his face. Confusion, or hatred, maybe even regret.  
“If you see something, tell me.” He whispered, still refusing to face me.  
His attention pivoted back to the road, and he began driving again. His expression had morphed into something even more serious, even deeper thoughtfulness. I kept quiet, afraid of the possible consequences if I spoke. Something was happening to me, something awful, and he knew it. He understood it like he too could feel it, but that was impossible. Wasn’t it?  
“Let me change the subject...” Rick finally spoke after a few agonizing minutes.  
I didn’t respond, I couldn’t, but I desperately needed whatever words he had to give.  
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you about, it’s important now.” He didn’t look at me, he definitely knew something that I didn’t.  
I turned my ear to him, still facing the window. “What is it?”  
He was tapping his thumb against the steering wheel. “Do you take a pill, have an implant, any kind of birth control?”  
“Well no, why?” My heartbeat was on the rise, everything about this ride was putting stress on me. “You think I’m going to end up pregnant?”  
“You need to look into it. It’d be a smart decision, after these last few days. Not to mention,” He held his tongue for a moment too long. “You should, ah... Never mind.”  
I didn’t like where this was going, I didn’t like having to explain myself. The only thing that worried me more, was the fact the he’d chosen to bring that up now. As if it and my nightmares, my mental state, were somehow related.  
“You don’t need to worry about that.” I said flatly, trying my best to hold a steady voice.  
“Yes, I do. Especially now.” With every second he seemed to grow more determined, a sight that I wanted to be over as quickly as it’d started.  
“No, you don’t understand,” I tried continue, to explain the situation with a bit of lightheartedness, but he wouldn’t allow it.  
His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Listen. I don’t want you to come cryin’ to me in a few months, telling me that I’m a dad, or-or worse-“  
I cut him off, eager to force this whole ordeal to it’s end. “That won’t happen.”  
“Saying that isn’t gonna change anything.” He was close to raising his voice, and I undeniably didn’t want that.  
“Rick, it’s not possible!” I yelled, filling myself with a mixture of satisfaction and regret.  
“What the hell are you talking about?” He groaned, obviously frustrated with me.  
“I can’t have children. It isn’t possible.” My statement was emotionless, but clear.  
As badly as I wanted this conversation to be done with, I also wanted him to acknowledge me. I felt pathetic.  
“Oh, uh.” He looked at me, still trapped in his, but slightly softer. “I... I’m sorry.”  
“No no, it’s alright.” I leaned back, ready to let this madness become want under the bridge.  
We could forget my little episodes over time, I hoped. The silence was my enemy, but there was far too much turmoil in my brain to break it. Rick too, had a habit of avoiding topics that he deemed as delicate or emotional. We were the same in that sense, those things made us uncomfortable.  
That subject in particular however, hadn’t bothered me since the day it’d happened. The physical scars were the only burden that it brought me. Faint purple marks that scarred my lower abdomen, hard to notice, even harder to explain. If he hadn’t noticed them yet, I doubted that he ever would. That was fine by me.  
He didn’t speak for the rest of the drive, leaving me a bit downcast when we finally arrived back home. I walked silently behind him up the stairs, and into the bedroom. This was my fault. It was because of my stupid flawed and useless mind that he was distraught like that, and it hurt me more than anything. None of it made any sense, how this could ever happen, how he seemed to know. It was one big horrible mess.  
He took a seat at the foot of the bed, propping his elbows on his knees, and rested his chin on his hands.  
“I’m sorry.” I whispered, slowly taking my place beside him.  
He took a deep breath and sat up to look at me, his grimace turning to a sort of gentle smile.  
“Hey,” His arm moved comfortingly over my shoulders. “Didn’t I tell ya you’ve got nothin’ to be sorry about?”  
I rested against him, my eyes cast to the floor, pain still in my heart. “That doesn’t mean I’m not.”  
“Maybe we should go out sometime...” He paused for a moment. “You know, have some real fun. Would you like that?”  
Though I thought it kind of him to try lightening the mood, but I was vaguely afraid of what he considered real fun. “Oh, I don’t know, I don’t really have the-“  
“Ah, don’t be like that.” He leaned in, persuasive and close. “You’d have a great time.”  
“I know, it’s just...” As if my discomfort could be reasoned away, that was something he couldn’t understand.  
“Are you tryin’ to reject me?” He asked, placing a hand over his heart in mock disappointment.  
“Are you tryin’ to ask me out?” I pressed closer to him, the same soft spirit in my voice.  
“Well I was trying, you don’t gotta be so harsh on me.” He joked.  
Playing into his little games was something that I adored. When he allowed me to see bits and pieces of who he really was, times like these, were my favorite.  
“Then I suppose I’ll have to say yes, now won’t I?” I smiled, finally beginning to relax again.  
He winked at me, a devilish grin on his face. “Gotcha.”  
For a man twice my age, he could be awfully childish when he choose to. I thought it was one of his more charming traits.  
“Why don’t we get ready for bed, sound good?” He asked calming.  
My chest felt lighter when he spoke like that. “Sounds wonderful.”  
I placed the two bags containing the clothing he’d bought me, to the side of the nightstand. There would be plenty of time to put them away later, but for now, he was my main focus.  
“So uh, who taught you how to cook?” He asked from the other side of the room, that same question I had asked him just a few days before.  
“My dad.” I replied with a nostalgic smile, sadly after twelve years those memories were beginning to fade. “As much as an eight year old could learn, I guess.”  
“You should do it more often.” He suggested, finishing the last few buttons on his shirt before taking it off.  
“Maybe I would if I was any good at it.” At the very least, my reply was honest.  
He turned to me with a mild look of amusement. “I think you’re just too hard on yourself.”  
“It’s a habit of mine.” I gave a shrug, never having thought much of it until then.  
“I think I can break it.” He said with a smirk.  
I felt a smile forming on my lips at the sight of his. “You can try.”  
“Try?” He walked over to my side of the bed, taking slow steps until he was standing directly behind me.  
“And succeed.” I whispered, a pale blush spreading over my cheeks.  
“Actually,” His hands landed lightly on my shoulders, steadily creeping lower. “There is something that I’ve found you to be very good at.”  
I clutched one of his hands as it moved down my chest. “And what might that be?”  
“You don’t recall?” With a gentle grip, he spun me around to face him. “Should I refresh your memory?”  
My arms crossed over the back of his neck, pulling me just a bit closer as I stared him in the eyes. “I think you should.”  
I let myself forget the torment of the day, and the impact it could have on us. Instead, I imagined what it would be like to kiss him, how good it would feel. I couldn’t be the one to make that move, like many things, it wasn’t up to me.  
“Of course.” He lifted me by my waist, letting me cling to him as he closed the short distance between us and the bed.  
I pulled myself closer, pressing my lips against the side of his neck. This would serve as my payback for the small marks he’d left on mine. The scent of his cologne consumed my senses, my tongue making contact with his skin. My eyes fell closed as he laid me down, but held tightly to him.  
“That’s enough.” He grabbed my wrists, pulling my mouth away as he pinned my hands above my head. “Any ideas yet?”  
“Feels like it’s right on the tip of my tongue.” I whispered, trying to force my body closer to his, despite him holding me in place.  
I already missed the warmth of his body.  
He leaned down, just a few inches closer. “Do you need a hint?”  
“What do I have to do to get it?”  
“You’ve been good.” His hips pressed against mine, the gap between us dissipating. “I suppose you deserve a hint or two, don’t you?”  
I brought my legs up, locking them around his body. “If it’s not too much to ask.”  
I needed him.  
His warm lips met my ear, his whisper making me shiver. “I can give you a lot more than that.”  
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~  
How could someone be so inexplicably perfect? To be the person I could find solace in, even after what we’d been through that day. Something felt different this time. He’d been a touch more gentle, more tentative than usual, but that wasn’t what struck me as odd. It was that look he wore so well, eye contact that was capable of communicating messages that words could never hope to describe. As if he was reliving a memory, as if I meant something to him in some melancholic way. Perhaps I reminded him of an old lover, odd for a person like him, yet immensely comforting. It only strengthened my desire to be close to him, to nurture this newly found connection. Whether that was good or bad, I didn’t care. It only mattered to me that he was near.  
“Can I go to work with you tomorrow?” I asked softly, my arm sprawled across his chest.  
“You don’t want that.” His volume stayed as low as mine had, but he couldn’t hide the underlying worry.  
My whisper somehow came out even softer that before. “I don’t wanna be alone.”  
“I’ll think about it, alright?” He replied with a certain sternness, like a reprimanding parent.  
I would have sworn on my life that I felt him hold me tighter after that question. Whatever it was that he was trying to keep me away from, it must have really frightened him. That was an awful thought, but the generous safety of his arm around me meant that no harm would come to either of us. As long we stayed like this, everything would be just fine. With him, even after my nightmares, I’d sleep better than I had in years.

**Author's Note:**

> Questions, Comments, and Constructive criticism are always welcome!


End file.
